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What Kind of Help Can I Get
My sister is getting married in June and I'm going to be the maid of honor. I'm really excited about it and I want to do a great job, but there's one thing I'm extremely worried about. I'm afraid I'm going to screw up my speech at the wedding.
I'm not a great public speaker. When I was in college, I took a computer class and for our final exam, my classmates and I had to make power point presentations. We had to present them in front of the class and as soon as you presented yours, you had the option to leave. By the time I went, there were only four people still there. When I'm having a conversation with four people, I have no problem, but that day, I got tongue tied and kept studdering with every sentance.
Other problems are that I'm not always loud enough or am too loud. I have serious trouble making eye contact and can be extremely awkward. What can I do to get over this before the wedding?
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That reminds me of book reports in school during a time of my life when i was extremely shy and not as self assured. I was given steps to take to get used to talking to people, but that was one on one. However once over the feeling of shyness or terror of talking to people, it didn't matter if it was a handful or dozens of people, I can share that with you. If you decide not to try it, or give up on it and feel its not working, as a last ditch effort, what you could do in your first sentence or two is be a bit honest mixed with humor to get them laughing. This gets them laughing with you, not at you in case you have problems as you continue. I know it may sound corny as a start but it will help you. Or you can always ask sis if she'd rather let you opt out and not speak at all.
Heres my idea: "As maid of honor for my sister, I knew I had to make some speech. Many of you don't know how hard it is for me. It can be very terrifying and scary because usually its a group of very scary looking people I have to talk to, like you guys. So if I have trouble and mess up at times, I just want you to realize ... (hesitate for a moment for drama effect)... that it's all your fault." Likely, you will get a lot of laughs and chuckles which is what you want. You don't have to talk worrying about a reaction from the guests, you've already gotten one. Then at this point, go ahead and say whatever you had planned to say about your sis and brother in law. If you get tongue tied or stutter, they will understand, a few who don't know you as well may think it is part of the act and actually laugh, but they are laughing at the humor--comedy, not at you.
If you want to work on shyness, here's your lesson. If you've mastered some steps, move on to the next one.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack something that looks absolutely hideous and showing it to her, "doesn't this look uncomfortable to wear? It reminds me of one of those fashions just for show, not very useful." Or "Even though I am small, I have a hard time finding things in my size, do you have the same problems finding things that fit you?”
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you.
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Girl, I feel you. I am going to be so nervous when I give the MOH speech at my sister's wedding. (Although I did have some practice before hand)
I was the maid of honor at my best friends wedding and that was so nervewracking I thought I was going to vomit before it even started. They gave me the microphone and I kid you not I said "oh shit..." thank God I didn't have the microphone up to my mouth or the entire crowd would have heard me. ( I know I'm not making this sound any better! ) But you will be fine! Take deep breaths. I took a deep breath, stood up, took another deep breath, smiled, and gave the best speech.
Make sure your speech is pretty much done at least 2 weeks ahead of the wedding so that you have time to practice it or make any changes that you need to. And that if you do make any changes, you have time to practice those changes.
Again: Practice before hand!! In front of the mirror or in front of some friends. Maybe even in front of your parents (if you don't mind that they hear your speech before the wedding day) You don't have to necessarily memorize your speech, I didn't memorize mine! Its completely normal to have notecards! It is just good to practice it before hand and time yourself to see if you need to speak faster or slower.
A couple drinks beforehand never hurt anyone before you give your speech. (if you are at a legal drinking age) I had a few drinks before hand and it relaxed me. Just don't go overboard and get drunk! 1 drink or 2 won't hurt.
I am an awkward person but it turns out my awkwardness made the speech. I dropped my speech and another bridesmaid had to hold it because I was shaking so bad. Everyone smiled and laughed (in a friendly way). They all know you are going to be nervous, its normal!
I also have trouble making eye contact. You don't have to look at anyone in the face. You know what I did? I Scanned the crowd and looked above their heads. That way it looked like I was looking at them but I really wasn't. I also looked directly at the cake since it was near people, so it looked like I was looking at them but really it was the cake! haha! Don't keep your focus on just one thing though, keep scanning the crowd after a little bit. It worked for me and I'm sure it will look for you!
If all else fails, look at your sister and the groom. After all this day is dedicated to them!
Just remember to breathe! You will be fine. I promise you! Your sister will love you and your speech. Have fun with it!
Good luck and if you need anymore help, inbox me. I'll be glad to help you!
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