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Dumb Relationship Question
I am newly seperated. I was married or am married four years to a man who lie and stole from my entire family including my children. It was an " abusive" situation. Some call me a survier I call me an idiot. Long story short he left me. I ended up moving several states away. Not much of a choose. I am staying with family who help watch my children while I work, because my son is Autistic and doesn't do well with other baby sitters. I don't know anyone where I live other than a few people were I work ( tele marketing). I found a "dating" web site just to meet friends. Meet someone, have been dating a few months. He quit his job to start another one has not started the other job (union?) weather thats at excuse I am clueless. I was paying for his cigeretes when I don't smoke. When we would go out weather to a bar or what not. I paid. Finally I told him I am not paying for anything anymore. We started putting in applications so he says until he heres from the other job. We started fighting a lot. "Broke Up" gave in went back. I know what I want out of life just not out of a relationship and thinking maybe I am not ready for a relationship I just want friends someone to confide in. I dont want to be like yeah it is over after breaking up and talking it back out having a god conversation I dont know weather to continue working at this relationship I guess I am looking for what would you type of response.
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Don't be hard on yourself. We all are allowed by the creator to make mistakes. What counts is that we learn from them. Since he left you and you hadn't gone through the process yourself to decide to leave him , my guess, is that there may be a remote possibility that you have more personal lessons to learn and a good way to know whether you have learned them is by being confronted with a similar situation in which you either cave in and get involved in an unbalanced relationship if not another abusive one....or the moment the guy reveals his true self and you see whats really going on, you stick by what you've learned and leave him. I am talking from experience. I gathered the courage to leave an abusive ex. One of the male friends I decided to date became possessive and abusive himself while I was in a precarious financial position relying on him. It was put up with his behavior to have my financial cares at the time taken care of temporarily, or dump him immediately. I dumped him. He knew my ex. Knew I was strong enough to leave him but might fail on the 2nd situation and cave in to him. When I did not, never heard from him again. Fate will not bring any more situations like your husband to you if you have been tested and are able to spot a user, or abuser, any relationship that is unequal. So as has been suggested already focus on yourself and the children. You have support from the family. Use this time wisely to heal from your experiences and put some effort into personal growth, just for yourself. Become a more confidant strong woman. When you are strong and confident, you increase your chances of attracting a better man. Be sure when you do go into another relationship, that you are free to do so, divorced, and not looking for a relationship to complete you, but to add to yourself as an already complete person. If you need another female to talk to from time to time, just write me through my column. I have done the web dating sites too and learned the do's and donts the hard way. And I discovered I was more than a survivor, I was an overcomer...and thats way better than merely surviving.
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The guy you met on a dating site is a user, He isn't in the relationship to be committed but to rather have someone to mooch off of.
If you are looking to meet people then try getting involved in the community. You can make friends at work, You can make through family, friends of friends etc.
It is harmless to talk to people on dating sites but I would be careful of how much you reveal right away and hold off on meeting them in person until you have spoken to them for awhile. Sometimes the problem with dating sites is that people lie about who they are.
Right now I would focus on you and your family, Your family should be the people you lean on when you need someone to talk too. In your own time see if you can pick up some volunteer work or get involved somehow. Sometimes local towns or cities have events or outings.
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