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My husband of 10 years has a horrendous temper.
I married a man whose wife committed suicide and so did her mother, acohol posioning. My husband has a temper and acts like a hot shot immature teen ager and toes into fits, screams, gets in his car and takes off for few hours or days. He thinks he is the only one right and he turns everything that is said. He is an acoholic, and smokes continually. You can't communicate with him at all. He refuses to discuss any situation. I am tired of all this. His family told me after I married him that I should watch myself. I have tried suicide because I am so depressed. He was in debt over $200,000 when I married him but didn't tell me. I am at the verge of trying suicide again and I see a therapist and I don't see any hope. I am not afraid of committing suicide to get out of thismess. And he has a son that he practically gave all the equity in it to him. The son owed us $40,000 (had 5 years to save it) on `1/1/2014. His son doesn't call us, not even on my husbands' birthday, xmas, father's day. They have no communication. They are both mean, and don't communicate. I can't take thisman's split personality. I am ready to quit. I see this going no where and I feel like his mother at times. He doesn't shower except for maybe 2x a week. He stinks like smoke and he lies to me. He puts me down in public and I have lost most of my self esteem. I have a MA and he uses that against me at times, because he did not go to college. I have never used it against him. I hate my life. And I am tired of living.
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First of all, please please please don't ever even CONSIDER suicide as an option. You have so many options right now I know you can't see it right now, but I have been where you are several times. I tried suicide and survived, by the grace of God. There is no hope if you kill yourself. This is Your life, lets not forget, you deserve to be here and be happy just like anyone else. Your situation is not hopeless and without solution. Here is what you do first, stop worrying about any of his money. Forget that it is just pointless, start making a plan to get as far as F* away from him. He's nothing but a train wreck and he will take you down with him. By the way, I know you love yourself and know that you know you deserve better because otherwise you wouldn't have reached out for help. Sweetie you're going to have to be strong and walk away from this. What do you have to lose? If you were planning on dying every single day from this day forward is a gift. You have to get away from him
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Did you know about his temper before marrying him or did he reveal it afterwards? In all honesty, if someones family warns you about them and they are not bad people then its always good to take caution. From what I'm reading this guy is definitely not trustworthy. Taking your life would be an easy out and give him power. The best thing to do is just divorce him, because taking your life is a serious thing and not worth it if you can get out of it. I've heard divorce is messy business, but it looks to be the best option.
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The best advice i can give you is go call tomleykis on his show on blowmeuptom.com I AM TELLING THIS GUY WILL HELP YOU AND I AM DEAD SERIOUS!!
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I see no reason to commit suicide. Suicide does not solve anything it is the wrong solution to a problem that has better options.
I see no reason for you to stay with this man a become his second wife to leave him through suicide. I do though believe that you have reason to end your marriage to him; the better solution. You have a degree which tells me you should be able to support yourself. You should not be responsible for any debt he incurred prior to your marriage.
My advice is to seek the help of a good divorce lawyer. Follow the lawyers advice and the next time your husband goes off on one of his rages, pack your bags and get out. when he returns he should find the paperwork from your lawyer seeking the divorce, a separation order and an order from the courts to stay away from you.
I'm fairly certain that even though your husband may not be hitting you. Your therapist is telling you that your depression is caused by battered women syndrome. You don't have to be physically abused to be a battered woman. His rages and constant tearing you down is mental abuse and is just as bad as if he strikes you.
Get out and don't look back. The sooner you do the better you will feel about yourself. I very rarely make this recommendation. In all the years I have been answering letters on this forum I don't need the fingers of one hand to count the times I've made this recommendation. In your case I believe it is the right suggestion.
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I am sure you had your reasons for staying, in my case (30 yrs) with my ex, it was because of religious reasons...well intended beliefs but mistaken. I believed that God hates divorce, and I must trust God to heal my marriage. Well, I know now in hind sight, that when ever something involves a persons free will, God will not interfere. Therefore he couldn't wave a magic wand and force my husband to shape up his act and start treating me right and be in love with me. Another thing I falsely believed is that I could change another person simply by being a positive influence in their life. That is not true. A person must want to change and that want and desire comes internally. I also discovered that the description of my husband which closely matches yours is a form of mental illness. I never stayed for the counselors final diagnosis of which exact one it is, but he was very controlling, degrading of me, point the finger to take focus off himself as having a problem. Don't kid your self, he may not know whats wrong with himself but he's scared and doesn't want to find out so its always create fires here and there to keep people so busy dealing with those emotional crisis's so they don't have time to examine him close enough to discover he has problems. So many mental people go undiagnosed for this reason,, they're good at playing a chameleon. I had my 3 daughters to live for, and I had a belief in God that kept me sane and my self esteem intact. You don't sound like you have any such 'life lines'
Killing oneself because of a partner is a shameful waste of a life. What if you were meant to learn something, learn to love yourself enough to remove yourself from that situation despite the lack of organizations that help. That was one of my lessons to learn in life as a soul, one of the main reasons I had the marriage to him. He fooled my family and everyone else and was good for a year before he changed and showed his real self. Another thing, mental illness doesnt necessarily stay the same, it doesnt improve but can get worse as the person ages which I witnessed. I was so committed to staying with such an abusive husband that it took God talking to me in a dream saying, If you do not leave him within 4 years from today, you will be dead. God was telling me I had the choice to stay or it would affect my already failing health to the point i got a disease like cancer or a heart attack because of it. I would not be around to see my children marry or enjoy grandchildren. Well, now that I knew I had to leave to continue to live...I did. But it took lowering my pride, telling all my friends, acquaintances, co workers, anyone who would listen, that I need a place to live to get away from him. Some friends out of state agreed, and off I went. That was July 2007 I left him. Because I passed my lesson in deciding that I would no longer be subjected to such treatment, my life turned around. I started dating, and did find on a 3rd date and guy who finnally got comfortable enough to show his true self, and recognized my old husband in him. I cut it off immediately and was proud of myself, I had passed another test a 2nd time so that I could know it wasn't just an accident how I got away the first time, I chose to not get involved with another with same characteristics. I am now married going on 5 years to the most wonderful man a woman could ever hope to meet. My life could turn around, so can yours. It won't be easy finding support. Theres shelter for abused women..but thats physically not emotionally. There is nothing set up to help women who suffer under emotional and mental abuse from a husband, at least not in the 2 states I checked, mine and the one I moved to. It takes kind people reaching out to offer support to a woman breaking away from such abuse. It will take some counseling. I got mine free...the people who took me in, he used to be a counselor. I healed, got strong and once ready, returned to the area my daughters live in and met the current husband. Don't consider suicide...thats not the answer. I know you need out of the situation, there are ways out other than death. If I could do it, so can you.
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