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5 Year Relationship
My boyfriend and I have been together 5 years. We started dating my junior year of high school. We now live together (have for 2 years). When I mention getting engaged he just about turns green in the face. He is content with a small town life working at his fathers business (which is okay with me), but Im a dreamer and have a lot of goals for my life. We are complete opposites, but we even each other out. At 5 years I feel like I should be seeing some type of guarantee that were going to stay together... I feel like he should know rather Im who he wants to be with by now. I am not saying I want to get married now, (id be happy with a couple years of engagement), but I feel like I need to see some type of commitment to show me he's serious about us. I really do care about him a lot, but Im not going to settle for not chasing all of my dreams for no reason. Im extremely confused and have been for about a year now. Im not saying Im not happy with him, but it does bother me a lot thinking im changing my life for someone if were not gonna stay together! Id be 110% content if I just knew we were going to work out. I kinda feel like Im wasting my time if were not. Help?
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There are two ways to make your point with him and after 5 years you have every right to know where this relationship is going. For right know he has all the comforts and privileges of married life without the commitment.
One way to make your point with him is to sit him down and to tell him just what you said to us. Basically that you need to know where this is going, is there marriage at the end of the tunnel. After 5 years he should know if he is ready and you are the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with. If he cannot answer that question then you have goals that you have put off to be with him that you have to start working towards and go where they take you.
The other way is more subliminal. If in those goals going to college to earn a degree you can start working towards that degree at your local community college by taking most of the prerequisite classes there. This should send the message that in two years you will be applying to a University to finish your degree.
You keep reminding him that his time to decide is growing short by constantly asking his opinion on different colleges to attend, away from where you live. When he asks why you have to go away to finish your degree; the answer is simple. "There is no commitment to keep from not leaving."
When and if the time comes to leave for school you pack up and leave and not look back. If he comes to his senses he has to come to you and ask you to return and the basis for you returning is a ring and wedding date.
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It makes sense, you're anxious to know if this guy wants a future with you. Yes there is no rush, but it has been 5 years now, you should be able to sit down and be adults about this. I would sit down and talk to him, express that you don't want to be married but you'd like to know there is some form of commitment.
I hope this helped, I wish you luck :)
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