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Friend is depressed and won't let me in!!!
Ok, I'm a freshman in high school (female). I have a friend from last year(when i was an 8th grader, he a sophomore) who is a junior. We are in band together. WE where really good friends last year, and he had a big crush on me for a while (i'm not sure how long)but at the beginning of this year after B.C he started ignoring me a little. but he was still friendly with me at times.
But....
SO this season he had started ignoring me full time. This was around the time that people in the band could tell that me and another freshman in the band (my boyfriend now) liked each other.
During the season i would go up and say hi and be friendly but he'd just say Hi very curtly and walk away,
so the season passed, we had our field season pics taken. A friend of mine pushed this guy into the hallway cause i had to confront him about it.
I confronted him about the past few months and he told me that he just had been having a lot of problems and didn't know how to approach me.
I expressed my feelings that i felt like he hated me, right as i said that he hugged me tightly saying he could never hate me (we have gone through quiet a bit together)
He hugged me again tight like that. WE let it out and i felt like we were friends again :) but that was back in November/December, and he's fallen back into ignoring me.
It doesn't help i have to sit next to him in our Concert arch.
I know he;s depressed and possibly suicidal, but he won't let me in to help him!!
I care about him, and i want to help... I don't know what to do :( Please help
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Hon, you did a good thing to be honest and express how you felt. At least you know he stills cares about you and that you are not the cause.
Even good school friends may not know each other well enough to have full trust to share their innermost problems and fears. A depression can lead to suicide so depression should be watched closely by friends and family. I have a daughter who claimed she was depressed during her teen years and as close as I was with all my kids, I could not see any signs that gave me a clue, no different behavior...just the thoughts in her head she chose not to share. Ends up she has clinical depression, her body doesnt produce enough of the chemicals needed to remain depression free and needs medication. My middle daughter had depression but talking things out with me and with a counselor helped her get back on track and see through a different perspective but it still took lots of work on her part to basically deal with tons of negative thoughts that made her feel depressed.
Since you sit next to him on a daily basis, you have an opportunity to observe him closely...but even that may not be enough. I would tell him : I really care about how youre doing and can see you're depressed but that it makes me fear you might become suicidal at some point. Its okay if you don't want to share details with me, but you have to talk about your feelings with someone, preferrably a professional counselor because not doing so can lead to attempting suicide. So have you talked to your parents, school counselor?
Thats what you might try to say to him in your own words. He needs to know he needs to reach out. If he is unwilling and you're still concerned he may be suicidal, that's enough reason for you to go to school officials and tell them, even if it ends up you are wrong. Just think how you'd feel if you never without his permission. You'd be dealing with guilt from not acting.
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You can't make him come to you for support or tell you whats going on. I know that some people have to work through their own situations themselves, I know this from a personal experience. Sometimes you just don't want other people pestering you or asking how you are every second.
Don't assume he is suicidal, that's not fair. Tell his parents that you think somethings up and then they can do what they think is best for their son.
Never pressure him to talk to you or tell you whats up. Maybe give him some space and don't text him all the time because it can get annoying.
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