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i got ur comment
I got ur comment on my question about my husband watching porn and I have confronted him about it and he denies it and the promises he wont do it.. every male in this world will say that porn is natural and normal.. sure maybe it is.. but u men don't look at it from a females point of view that has issues with her husband watching porn all the time behind her back.. if he has me who he can get any with whenever he wants then why would he continue to watch porn? I don't understand.. he says I am attractive and beautiful and sexy.. but ive had 2 kids.. so I don't think I am and I know im not.. I haven't been able to lose all the baby weight... theres been things that I did or didn't do but I stopped or started because of him and for him! so why cant he do the same for me with this one thing?! I just don't understand! sure we have a sex life.. he is happy (or so he says) I am happy but this crap is literally driving me insane!! I don't know what else to do cause confronting him obviously doesn't work..
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After reading this question I went back and reread your original question, my answer as well as the answer Razhie provided. Razhie is one of the other advisers on this site whose insight into questions I respect. I come to the conclusion after reading my answer and hers that you were given two different perspectives on the same basic theme of an answer.
Now I'm not going to sit here and tell you your views on this subject are wrong. That would not only be wrong of me but very rude as well. These are your feelings and that is what makes them right for you.
You ask the question why does your husband look at porn when he has you and your willing to show him your body (even with its changes, we will come back to this) does he look at porn? Other than to tell you it is no reflection on you I'm not sure how to answer this question
Maybe this will make some sense. When I was young, before I met my wife, I had many sexual relations with women, women I lusted after. What started as lust with my wife soon turned into love and the first time we had sex, it was not sex, we made love. It was the very first time I ever made love to a women.
Since meeting my wife I have not had sex again, we make love and yes I still lust for my wife after 42 years of marriage and yes I still find my wife's body desirable even after a mastectomy and childbirth. The only difference today is when we make love I have to remember which breast is the replacement and focus on her original breast as she has no feeling in the replacement breast.
Sure her body has changed over the years so has mine. I know I am not the young desirable stud I was when we met. Time and the great cook my wife is has taken its toll on me too. We all change in appearance as we grow older, it's a fact of life.
Outer appearance is what attracts us to one another but if that is all that we have in common is sex appeal it soon becomes apparent that that we cannot have a life together. Man and woman cannot live on sex alone. Our outer appearance is nothing more than a book cover to attract someone to get to know the inner person and that is who we fall in love with. This is who your husband loves. The woman who is a nurturing, loving person who has raised my children. Made a home for us and helped me make a career for so we can provide for her and our family.
Yes I look at porn both pictures and tape. It's meaningless stimulation. Some fantasy time but when I'm finished the fantasy is over and I would not think of going of trying to find a girl who looks like one of the girls in the pictures or tapes. Instead I go to bed with my wife. We don't always make love sometimes we just spoon.
I am in no way trying to demean my wife or your husband trying to demean you. Men have been raised to admire the female and the female form. To me watching porn or looking at pictures is just that. I'm fairly certain that is what it is for your husband as well.
I just as certain that you were raised to believe porn is wrong. That it is demeaning to women and the actresses and models as well. While I can't speak for foreign actors. In documentaries of the American Porn Industry Porn stars a very well compensated for their acting, as much as 7 to 8 figure incomes for 5 to 6 films a year for popular stars. These same documentaries also point out that casting calls for these films are well attended by working stars as well as men and women wanting to work in the industry.
If this is true, that no one is holding a gun to the heads of these women or men. How could earning an honest living be demeaning to them. This leaves only the question of it being demeaning to you. This is your belief one that I can't change only you can. All I can say is I do not believe you husband is trying to demean you in any way. That like other men he enjoys recreational porn and thus tries to hide it from you so as not to hurt you or demean you in any way.
In closing let me say if this is the only issue you and your husband have between you in your married life. In the grand scheme of things it is a rather small one. One that between two adults a compromise should be able to be worked out. Just remember that the definition of compromise is something neither party likes but both parties can live with.
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