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i got ur comment


Question Posted Monday January 13 2014, 10:30 pm

I got ur comment on my question about "my husband watching porn and wont admit it and it bothers me and I have complained about it and confronted him about it.. I know every single male out there will say its normal and natural.. maybe it is.. but men.. don't look at it from a females point of view that does have issues with porn.. for the simple fact that I have told him multiple times that it makes me feel like crap about myself.. ive had 2 children via csection.. so it is harder for me to lose weight although I have lost some.. he says he finds me attractive, beautiful, and sexy... but when he has me and can get "any" whenever he wants (because I have never turned him down) then why would he still continue to watch it??

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Razhie answered Tuesday January 14 2014, 8:06 am:
I'm a woman. This is my point of view. I'm not defending pornography because I'm male. I'm defending it because it is not inherently damaging to relationships, and because consenting adults should be free to choose it.

What you read below is my, a females', point of view.

I don't 'get' pornography, in the sense that I don't really enjoy it, and find it all either just absurd or sort of offensive, and I don't understand in my own mind just why other people really enjoy it.

What I do, is respect the fact that other people like this thing that I don't like, and just because I don't get it or like, doesn't make it wrong or bad. Just like I can respect the fact that some people really like The Bachelor, even though I think the entire premise of that show is just disgusting.

Everyone who answered you has already answered your question about why he continues to do it.

He continues to do it because he enjoys it.

You've also been told that it has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with your body. It's not reflection of his love or his desire for you, and that everything he says to you is probably completely true. You could look like a swimsuit model and have sex with him twice everyday - he'd still probably look at porn sometimes.

You also have a lot of evidence in your life, from his desire and affection for you, the fact you say you are otherwise very happy with him, that should tell you that porn isn't actually causing a problem anywhere but in your head.

If you can't, or refuse to accept those answers, fine. It's the truth for most people who like porn, but if you just can't wrap your brain around it, that's okay.

If you can't understand the why (even though it's been explained and there are lots of other explanations out there too), then stop trying to understand why. Instead of understanding, just respect. Just respect that he feels differently about porn than you do. This isn't a male point of view vs a female point of view. This is the two of you, in this relationship, having a disagreement.

It's okay to disagree, and to disagree out loud, but you have to stop assuming that you are the only one with a valid argument against porn, and that he must stop something he thinks is okay, because you don't. That's not how relationships work, that's not how compromise works, and that's not how respect works.

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