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Do I function normally?
Hi, I'm a fourteen year old girl, and I currently hold a 3.0 in school(I am in high school.) It seems like everyone treats me different but I do admit..I have been told, I can be paranoid at times. I do have friends though, I'm good at making friends online, but in person, that is a whole different story. I am not good at communicating..I thought that may be the reason people treat me different. How can I improve my social skills? I go to my doctor every six months for check ups and the results are healthy! I know it may sound silly asking you this but do I function normally? Thank you in advance. (:
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People in your age range are all going through the social thing, wondering where you fit in society, are you normal, do others like you, self conscious.
Some just have more skill naturally at talking to people, perhaps its part of their personality, or they learned it growing up by watching the parents.
The Golden rule about treating others as you would like to be treated is often a one way street for young teens. They want to be accepted but they are too critical or lack skills to know how to help the more quiet shy ones feel accepted by reaching out to them. I'll bet that if you were 10 years older right now, without any changes to your personality, you'd find that the people around you have grown up and matured some and instead of ignoring or teasing or bullying, they know how to make friends and be a good friend and would have no problem with you.
Lots of the issues teens have are due to the front part of their brain developing slower than their bodies. The prefrontal cortex, is a section of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments and controls impulses and emotions. This section of the brain also helps people understand one another. The prefrontal cortex section of the brain in teens is still a little immature as compared to adults; and it doesn't fully develop until your mid-20s.
As for learning how to communicate, there's lots of stuff on the internet to help you. But here's some pointers to get you started. First start with listening in on different conversations going on around you and pick one that you know something about the topic or you have an interest in. Don't try joining a conversation where you'd be in over your head.
For starting a conversation:
Three Questions to Ask Yourself Before Starting the Conversation:
Is this a “yes” or “no” question? If it is, find a way to ask where they can't answer with a yes or no. Instead of, did you like the school play last week, which can be answered yes or no and conversation stops unless you ask another question, Ask the open ended version, What part of the school play did you like most?
Is this question too personal? Might it make the person being asked uncomfortable? If so, how can I present the question in a non-threatening way?
Is this a question I’d want to answer myself? If not, how I can change the question to make it more inviting?
There are lots of great video you tube clips that are helpful, one suggests an opening question you get used to asking of anyone you interact with, clerk at the store, friends, a teacher, the neighbor, How is your day going, or how is your evening going. While some might just answer, "good" or "fine|", it sounds like it is coming from a more truly caring stance, that you really want to know, instead of asking "how are you"...which is used more as a greeting than wanting to really know. When people have asked me how my day was going, I felt myself wanting to give them a tid bit of what happened to me so far that day. Here's another way to start a conversation and this guy has other social skill videos for you to check out.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
and his you tube page of 32 videos that I highly suggest you watch over and over until you remember what to do.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Good luck dear
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