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why did my ex lash out on me?
tonight I hung out with my ex, things seemed to be going well, and he was being flirty. we started to watch a movie and he got real quiet then he turned the movie off and all of a sudden he changed. he said he doesn't want to do this anymore he doesn't feel connected to me, he wants to leave the past in the past and start a new chapter, he said whenever I asked him advice on guys he said it felt awkward for him to tell me how to go about getting to know another guy, and he doesn't want to have a physical relationship with me. and he got angry when I didn't even do anything to him. he said some of the things I do and say and he said im smug and stuck up. he said he thought me and him being friends would be different than how it is but tonight he didn't want to be there with me like he thought he wanted to be and he has a lot of stuff going on, why did he suddenly get angry with me for no reason? and why did he lash out on me? whenever I tried to ask him why he would just tell me "I don't know"
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He's just not your friend. He's your ex. He isn't ready to be a friend.
It's not that complicated. He's judgemental and conflicted. He doesn't seem to enjoy your company and he's frankly, kinda of torturing you with his own insecurities and confusion about what he wants.
So, just accept that he isn't a friend right now.
It's tough, if he is really confused and demanding, but you need to stand up for yourself, and not be friends with someone who isn't respectful and friendly towards you.
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Have you asked yourself why you really feel a need to spend time together with an ex boyfriend?
Don't lie to yourself and say all the reasons why that don't really bring up the truth. If you can't be truthful with yourself, you are not going to move on very well and may keep repeating the same things that have led to this because you did not learn.
Either you or he or both of you felt guilt about splitting up, or felt awkward not at least staying friendly with each other, or felt your last decision to split might have been too hasty.
Getting together again because of guilt will end in failure because the things that caused you to break up in the first place are still there.
Hanging out with in order to be friendly towards each other is going a little too far. Being friendly means there are no hard feelings and if you bump into him at the store, instead of pretending he's not there, not talking to him or being rude, you greet him and say hello and ask how he's been. But taking it to the point of spending time together snuggling and watching a movie together isn't about remaining friends. Again, don't lie to yourself, Its' about a hope deep down that maybe you can get back together. nOt picking on you, it may be him feeling this instead or also.
If my last guess is right, that you both weren't sure about your first decision to split and were attempting to give it another chance by just hanging around in each others presence without talking it out in detail together, voicing each of your hopes, concerns, expectations, and lastly ground rules and being ok with all of those....then there would not have been a frustrated and angry lashing out, just a calm, hey...this isn't working for me and you both agree to not try again and move on with your lives.
Yes, asking an ex for dating tips is one of the most awkward things there is. I am not surprised that he feels uncomfortable helping you get the next guy. I don't know what you and he may both be doing wrong relationship wise but dating is a road we take where we make many wrong turns, and come up against road blocks. and never seem to make progress if we are unaware of something we do that unintentionally kills the relationship. And it may be several somethings.
If he says he doesnt know, its a good chance he really doesnt. He has no more clue than you as to what is wrong and how to fix it. If the two of you lack that romantic chemistry together, you can go through the motions but you will never feel what you want to feel with the other person and there is nothing you can do to change that...theres such a thing as the pheremones your body lets off and you cant change that any more than you can change the shape of your teeth or color of your skin. If there is no pheremone connection, it aint happening...and if you force it, one or both of you will become disillusioned, frustrated and angry over time. In dating, I met some guys that were real sweet wonderful men but I did not feel that connection with them. Thats just life.
So if you want dating advice, don't ask him. You could come here and ask the specific question.
But My advice is that the better option for your situation is for you to start studying books and videos on relationship and dating advice. It is okay to not know and make mistakes out of innocent ignorance, cus there really is no 'class' one can take to learn it all, like taking a math class in school. We all start not knowing much. Some of us may have better instincts and accidentlyl do the right things but a good majority of us make mistakes that will kill a relationship. Now that I've pointed this out to you, for you to continue on with the dating scene and not choose to self educate yourself on how to have a successful relationship will only amount to you knowingly sabotaging future relationships by lack of information. If you want help finding some good books or video's, I'd be glad to help you search for those.
Good luck dear.
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