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humorist-workshop
Preferably answers from Christians =) Merry Christmas!
I put this under love life but i'm sure that it can fall under family as well. It's kind of a conflict. I have tried taking care of this myself, but i have come to the realization that sometimes you need advice from other people. I will tell you a little bit about myself, firstly. I am a 23 year old female and I am a teacher. I just finished my bachelors degree, so I am only working part time now doing tutoring in a school in an after-school program. So, I can't really move out of my house right now. I've been living at home throughout college and while it has had it's benefits, I believe that it was a huge mistake. I kind of feel bad saying that because I mean, a lot of good stuff has come out of it. But, at the same time, it was also an error because my family has not taken me seriously as an adult. I thought things might be different once I graduated but it hasn't changed. Now, I need to wait until I can start teaching full time next year in order be able to move out of the house.
The problem has only gotten worse when it comes to my love life. I have been dating my boyfriend for about two years now. Everything was perfectly fine until one day, my mom started to hate him. When I tell you the reason, you will not believe it. It was because one of his family members got married in the morning and my mom believes that weddings should be at night. After that, she has only found more and more problems with him. Everything has come to be a problem. He can't do anything right in her eyes. She is already giving me a set time to do things. She'll say things like: by the end of the year, I want him gone. Before you start giving my mom credit for having a maternal instinct, let me give you some background on her. My mom is not mentally stable. I was adopted at birth and since that day, she has always wanted me to be something I'm not. When I was in high school, she would hack into my social networks and her goal was for me to be popular. She would say things like "look who I made you. You would never be who you are now without me." She made me wear hair extensions against my will, spray tan, bleach my hair, etc. I've been like her little doll ever since I was born. No guy has ever been good enough for her. She has never liked any boyfriend I've ever had. Before going on the appropriate medication, my mom would throw herself on the floor and begin screaming "they can't take the baby! they can't take the baby!" whenever it was a holiday. She hates holidays. So, today naturally became an argument because later on today, I am going to the movies with my boyfriend.
Now, my mom has gotten a lot better with the new medication that she is on and I still love her, despite everything, because she is my mom. She wanted me to spend Christmas eve with her and the family last night. So, I complied with her wishes and told him I couldn't go to christmas eve at his house. I felt like I had made a horrible decision because the night resulted in everyone shutting me out, and even an argument because I mentioned a surgery in the family that other family members didn't know about. But, no one had told me that. There are some family members who are American and only speak English. Other family members are hispanic, and speak english and spanish. but, around the american family members, they always speak in spanish and talk bad about them. it makes me feel so uncomfortable. I hate that. They are having issues with those family members and I can surely see why now. I wouldn't have even come if I were them, but I understand that they wanted to see the children in the family.
Now, there are some issues I have noticed when it comes to my boyfriend. First and foremost, it is issues regarding faith. I am a baptist christian. When I first met him, he claimed to be a Christian. I then find out that his family is into witchcraft, and if you are a Christian, you probably understand why this is a concern. No matter what, no matter how far I move away, those will be my children's grandparents if he is the father. And I don't want my children getting confused or thinking that's ok. I don't mean to offend anyone. It's just that these are serious things to consider when you are thinking about marrying someone. When you marry someone, you truly do marry their family. And I'm not the type of person who just goes through the motions at church. I am very involved and very active. So, you can see why this would be of concern when it comes to having children in the future. He may not believe in the witchcraft thing, but he thinks that it is okay. Then comes the issue that he has tons and tons of homosexual friends. I am NO ONE to judge. As a Christian, I know that God can only judge me or anyone else. And I am a sinner as well so I have no place judging other people's sins. But, these people come to events and bring more homosexual people and everyone is making out. This is not something I want to expose my children to. It has already happened with my family and they felt extremely uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable. It would be uncomfortable if straight couples were making out and touching each other in my living room. Again, no intentions to offend anyone. But, you see where I'm coming from.
But, the problem is that I'm afraid that I'm picking on things because of my mom. And I already saw last night how my family is (not that I didn't know before). And if I left... I'd be leaving one thing for something worse. I don't know what to do or what to think. Can someone please help me?
xoxo
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Before you got to the point of saying mom had mental issues, your description of her actions had me thinking she has mental issues.
Your mom's control of you and trying to shape you into something she wants and control and dictate your choices is very unhealthy. Of course I am sure you see that. Have a talk with your pastor in private. You might try to explain without going into too much detail, why you need to get out of the house and what is preventing you. Could he think of any church member who could give you a place to live for health and sanity sake even tho you can't afford to really pay much. You would of course move out when ever you finally get a full time job. If thats not a possibility, then do you have cousins or some aunt, any family that you do like and trust that you could ask to stay with?
Thats the first issue, being in a healthier living environment.
Now as to the boyfriend being a worse situation, I will admit I believe in Jesus and God and have a Christian background but I am more free thinking now and followed what I felt Holy Spirit exposing to me. It was for a reason...to gain perspective and I now see how narrow minded the church can be.
I have come to know pagan people under which you find what you are refering to as witchcraft or wiccan. Christians are under the assumption that if someone is calling themselves pagan or witch that it means they are Satanists. I used to believe this and steered clear of them. While satanists do exist as a cult, and will call themselves witches perhaps too, I'd have to say that 99% of the pagans/witches are not Satanists and in fact do not believe in the devil to begin with. I have found among the pagans, in general people who were more accepting and loving following the 'love your neighbor as yourself' commandment better than the actual christians. However, among Christians or pagans I have found within both groups people who truly are following and serving the creator and also those who have no clue and in innocense say and do things that are very contrary to the beliefs they have. Pagans have their version of the 'love your neighbor' creed, "If it harm none, do as you will." When Constantine became a Christian, he wanted to increase his power by getting the majority of population which were 'pagan' to convert and it was at this time changes were made to christian holidays, to the bible. In fact, the Holy Spirit was always listed in the bible as a She. Pagans believe in a Goddess, and some in a team God and Goddess, Lord and Lady. So what we might think of a wicked thing, worshiping a Goddess may in fact be Pagans giving honor and credit to the same entities Christians do, just by another name, Jesus being the Lord and Holy Spirit the Lady or the Goddess they follow. I know pagans who pray and get answers to their prayers because they are in actuallity as far as I'm concerned, praying to the same God, different practices by the human observers of each faith/belief. Each one has a piece of the truth as I have come to learn but also each belief, including Christianity also has some falsehoods and misconceptions. I won't even tackle the stance of Christians on homosexuals right now. If you'd like to hear another possible way to handle that issue, then write me again.
Concerned about spells and such? I can demystify them. I have heard of pagans, like christians praying for God to allow a negative thing to happen to someone or a group. I had an old pastor once praying for a piece of property the church wanted to build but the words coming out of their mouths were asking God to do terrible things to them. I was in shock and yet they thought they were in the right. I have seen pagans do the same in error. But the majority, have their sayings, mostly rhymes to make it easier to remember, like we quote Psalm 23 or the Lords Prayer. There is an 'intent' there when we pray, we are asking for God to bless, heal, provide, etc... same for pagans. They pick a situation, such as finding a new job or gaining more income and their spell has certain candles or items they may use while they recite their poems, the items they say are only to help them focus their intent, there is no power in the items or really in the words themselves for that matter, but in our intent.
It seems to me that a great majority of witches/pagans have begun to master something that their christian counterparts are so far behind on. That we have a creator, and is we're made in his image, then we should be able to create by focus of our intent. I have come to understand that focus. I can truly say if I have an ailment and want healing, I am more likely to have an energy healer a christian would consider pagan, lay hands on me than a christian. I have prayed with both groups and whereas christians may see some answers, there is more often answers in the other group.
I could go on in clarifying what a witch is not.
You must evaluate this man for himself, not whether his family goes against the very creed they say they believe "If it harm none then do as you will'.
What counts most is how this young man treats you. Is he a very loving person? I had a Christian husband for 30 yrs. He was never in love with me and was verbally abusive all of that time. You can't go by a person's so called beliefs to know whether they have a good heart. You'll find messed up guys in every faith and belief on the earth. You have to assess each one for themselves. "Just because you find a mouse in a cookie jar, that doesnt make him automatically a cookie."
Don't toss out this guy as a possibility for you. Trust God to tell you. Be ready to hear answers that may be opposite to what you expect or have been told all these years.
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