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i feel hollow and numb to feelings right now and when i think of him i just cry.
My ex and i hve broke up for three months already. Tbh i feel hollow and numb to feelings right now and when i think of him i just cry. Honestly ive been trying to get him back constantly. And i dont know anymore i really do like him but im not sure how to get him back and how to get hiscomplete love back. There were teo time we broke up but the first time he said hes sorry right away and said he wasnt thinking straight and so we got back together then he did so again this time but its serious. I beegged him to come back after. The two time we hung out after the break up he told me he missed and and had feelings for me still and we even brcame intimate but a month after i became more clingy and my emptions tpok control of me as i began to start arguments about why we should be together. He would say that he has too much stress on his life right noe and that hes tired of everything like his familys expectations my expectations and fake friend etc. he told me thathe thinks that we wouldnt work out again because lately weve both been busy and when we did hang out i would be the one complaining an he wouldnt say anything about him... I dont know we kinda just lost the new relationship emergy after a year and a few months. And arguments wents up and his family problrms kept at it and then stress grom college also. And i have to admit i didnt help much because i was busy with my schooleork and i added some stress to him too... I want him back so much but i know a relationship works only if two people try. And just how to a convince him that we can work if we both try because he still has feeling etc.
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You did mention becoming intimate. In the year or so you've been with him, I wonder if the two of you had sex. Intimate is one thing but being sex partners another. If you did, there might be an explanation for his seemingly on and off again feelings and confusing signals he sends you.
Now this may not be true but it certainly would explain what is going on if there's any chance it is true.
Guys in high school and college become interested and attracted to females. Some want a romantic relationship of deep feelings of love for each other with sex, others don't want. aren't yet ready for yet, or fear the emotional attachment but still want the sex. So basically, that means sex with no emotional ties. To find a female who is willing to take that route with her heart is very slim.
So...males who want the sexual part without really developing any closeness or love feelings, will say and do anything to get it, even be willing to play the dating and relationship part.
Or he may want just the sex first and be willing to allow the deep feelings part come later after he's out of school. For alot of guys, having a girlfriend can be a great distraction and interfere with his ability to do well in school and a guy kinda can sense that. So there could be a miriad of possibilities here for why he is sending confusing messages.
If he truly did have feelings but they got too strong and scared him cus he wasn't ready for reasons that are valid in his mind, then he would of course flip and treat you in ways to cool the relationship down or break up. After breaking up and some time passes, if he has feelings and misses you, he may say so, but that still doesnt mean he wants you to have any expectations. Or perhaps he misses the companionship and sex and says he cares to get you to come back.
A talk with someone like this is needed. If he isn't willing, it could be he is afraid to reveal his position or thoughts on where he is at in his mind and his heart and how it fits in his life plans right now.
So either talk or write him a letter. If you want to discover why this is going on and why you feel so unsure of where things are at between you and him, there is a need for honest communication.
You may have to ask the questions you are afraid to get true answers to.
Tell him you need some clarification for whats going on inside him. Let him know that to a female, the things he says and does send mixed messages. So ask him if right now while in school he wants female friendship only, female friendship with romance, flirting and sex, or is he looking for a relationship of real love? He may not know what he wants. Some guys don't wake up until their mid thirties, by which time they have regrets over the women they have lost forever because they eventually found someone else. If he can be truthful and says he does not want the relationship with you to get 'too serious', then have him define what he means by that, never guess, don't accept what he says, be left wondering still. You are not going to be starting up this conversation for getting some answers, only to have him answer questions with words that create more questions for you. Follow each answer to the end until the answer is black and white to you, until it is something you can understand whether you like the answer or not.
When you say you have gotten clingy and he pulled away, it could be his initial reaction to feeling like you were getting too serious for his comfort. A guy will say I love you just as easily as he can say I love chocolate icecream. There may be things about you that he loves, just as there are things he loves about the icecream. But it is an entirely different thing for a man to be able to say, I am 'in love' with you.
Other than men who have emotional problems, mental problems and major character flaws and purposely ARE looking for clingy women, the majority of males on the planet are turned off by clingy females. Just a scientific fact there from studies done by relationship experts...not just my saying so.
So good luck with having an indepth, revealing conversation so that both your positions have been clearly defined. At least then you will know whether, he's just been lying to you and playing with your feelings, or whether he's just immature and not ready in which case you decide to wait until he matures somewhere in his 30s and is ready to be serious with you, or whether as painful as it is, you let him go and move on.
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