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Giving up before we start
23/F
So I met this guy at the gym (he works there) back in July and we recently began talking more and hanging out. It was pretty obvious that the two of us had feelings towards one another. I am leaving the area this coming summer to move back with my parents (I'm in graduate school and it's cheaper). It's about 40 minutes away from where I am now. He came over last night and before he left he kind of ended it between us because he doesn't want to catch stronger feelings if I'm leaving soon.
It's 6 months away and I feel like he's throwing away something that could be great without even trying. He automatically is thinking we will have to break up when I leave because that's what happened with his ex-gf. He's fixating over his past relationships instead of letting go and moving on. I am going to talk to him this week sometime, but I really don't know what I can say that will change his mind.
I want to try things out. I feel like it's stupid to just give up so easily on this because we could be something great.
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Only 40 minutes away?!! Heck thats nothing, no big deal. I traveled that far to go see my now 2nd husband.
Sounds like he is using anything as an excuse to not allow himself to be hurt again. A person like that can build a wall around their heart so that they can't get hurt again. Life is full of hurts, pains and disappointments and if it's not gonna come at him from a relationship, he's gonna get it elsewhere.
Only problem is, the wall built to protect oneself, not only doesn't allow another persons love in, but their love for you can't get out. I knew of a 50 yr old woman like that, married all that time to one man. He even had a counseling degree and tried to work with her to get her to take down those walls. She never did. They could never be really close cus that wall around her heart was always there, He tired of it and divorced a couple of years ago.
Yeah, you and I might see it as silly to give up on you so easily, but even in the case I mentioned where the love is strong enough for the damaged person to make a commitment to you, it will never be a good as it could possibly be if he keeps a wall up around his heart. And you deserve better than a live in companion who may also be your sex partner and shower you with all sort of gifts except for one...his love. Because he can't when its walled up to protect his heart.
Someone like that needs counseling and even then, who knows if that will really help the person conquer that fear. There is nothing you can do to convince him otherwise, thats how strong such a fear is. I am sorry to hear this dear. Don't pester him but keep tabs on him but texting, FB, phone calls every once in a while to see how he is doing. If by some miracle, his fear of being hurt has been dealt with then ask about getting back together. You might also try praying that his angels get a message through to him to let down the wall and not fear being hurt again. Other than that, I don't see a promising ending to this.
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