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I'm transgender and I feel more alone than ever. . . .
Hello,
First off, I apologize for the long question.
So, I'm thirteen, and I'm FTM.
I came out to my parents almost a month ago. When I came out to my dad, he asked me why I can't accept how I was made in the womb. And whenever I refer to myself as a "boy" or a "he" my dad gets frustrated and tells me I'm a girl and I need to shut up.
My mom wasn't really accepting either. She said that I'm trying too hard to fit into a certain gender role. And she said she could never accept me as a boy because she has always thought of me as her daughter.
No one will ever understand what I feel inside when I'm called a "girl" and a "she." My mom says what people call me shouldn't really matter, but it does. I hate it so much. I don't feel like I can have a good life until I'm accepted as a guy.
I cut myself for a while, partly because I hated that I'm stuck in a girl's body. I have considered starving myself too, but I won't because it'll just get me into the mental hospital again.
I know this question is rather vague . . . but I just want some advice on how to deal with this. It's so hard. I can't stand that my parents won't accept me. And my gender dysphoria gets worse everyday. I don't know what to do. I hate my body so much. Maybe I should just . . . give up.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Hon, I went looking on the web for Transgender teens support groups. I only just started looking and came across a girl named Jazz. She was born a boy and by time she entered school, the parents knew she had to live out her life as a girl. Wonderful storys of media following her life from age 5/6 to early teens. You aren't the only one dear. Maybe watching this will help you feel better about who you are and perhaps you can get your parents to watch some of the interviews of siblings and parents, all supportive. Since this portrays about the age you are now...this is a good story for the parents to follow. Hopefully they will come around and be supportive of you being allowed to live out your life as a boy.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
There's also a facebook page. Do a search for:
Jazz A Corner For Transgender Kids
and it will come up on Facebook.
Heres another site:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Dont let that name fool you. this looks to be a serious site with even a crisis and suicide intervention team because of the fact that transgenders are the highest suseptible of all. It has forums where you can talk to others who are TG.
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Your parents may be under the illusion that gender identity is a problem many teenagers face as they go through puberty. Call it a phase that some go through. This is not always true.
Gender identity or transgender concerns are not a mental issue and your concerns over your true gender identity can cause you mental distress such as severe depression. Depression which I believe was the basis of your cutting.
What to do about this? First: if it is your desire to transform yourself into the body of the gender you identify with that can't happen until you're at least 18 as your body has to finish growing and developing. No doctor will prescribe the medications you need to take such as testosterone until you have finished with puberty.
Second: What you can do is start the counseling that is needed to make the gender change so that when your body is ready. The two psychiatrists and psychologists that must approve you for the surgery have worked with you for the time required to sign the forms needed.
This will also give you time to understand why you are a transgender. This is who you are, the way you were born. No amount of therapy will change you into a girl unless you are truly a girl who is suffering from a gender identification problem which is different from being a transgender. This also why it is required to work with psychiatrist and psychologists for a certain amount of time before you can physically change your gender. You will also need to live as the gender you identify with for the same amount of time. Meaning no girl close whatsoever. You live as a man, wear men's clothing and even use the men's bathroom.
This is also an opportunity for family counseling so that you parents can understand the how and the why of this. I cannot stress strongly enough that you have done nothing wrong. If you are truly transgender and not suffering an identity crisis; then this was the way you were born. I say if for you will not know for certain until you have some counseling to figure this out. In family counseling your parents will be educated to the fact they are not at fault as you are not at fault.
So even though as you said you were once in a mental hospital. I don't think this issue was addressed. You need to ask your parents to see a Board Certified psychiatrist and discuss this with the doctor. It will take more than one visit before the doctor can advise how to move forward. The doctor needs time to evaluate and make sure that you are truly a transgender before you start down the long road to where you want to ultimately be. If this is what you want it will be worth the effort.
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