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Distinguishing between best friends or more.
Hello, I am nineteen and work on a staff in my dorm hall at my university. I am one of eleven other desk receptionists. However, I only really get along with 2 of them because the other ones all came from the same hall last year so they're kind of cliquey and they spread rumors and start drama a lot. The two people that I get along with is my roommate and a hockey player whom we'll call Jake. Every time I'm at the desk and Jake is in the building, he'll come and sit with me. Last night, I worked 9 pm to 1 am, he sat with me after he got back from his game around 11:30 and then when I was done at 1, the next person came down and Jake left with me, I walked down his hall because I didn't know if he wanted to continue our conversation or not, I stopped at his room and he told me to hang tight in his room and he'll be right back, he had to go take his contacts out. Neither of our roommates were at school this weekend so we both had empty rooms, he came back from the bathroom, grabbed a sweatshirt and I thought he was going somewhere so I went to go up to my room but he followed me. He came up to my room, sat on my floor and we just talked. About everything. Why he doesn't get along with his family. His passion for hockey. My love of my major. Where we personally wanted to be in 4 years. What kind of jobs we wanted to pursue. He finally left my room at 3:00 am. There are other instances where I kind of think that he likes me either more than he likes most people as a best friend or like likes me, because I was out with friends earlier watching a movie and he texted me and asked where I was, I told him I was off campus but asked what was up. He was at hockey practice but needed Advil because he got into a fight, he wanted me to get into his room (which is by pin, we aren't supposed to give out our pin codes, it breaks university policy) and get him Advil and meet him outside with it so he can just run and grab it and get back to practice. I asked my roommate if he texted her and she said he didn't. There's another time when I was friends with another guy on our staff, we got into a huge fight because I found out that he was telling everyone else the things Jake and I bitch about. Well, one night this blabber mouth wanted to talk, which I thought meant he wanted to explain himself and apologize, so after work one night, I told Jake I was going to talk to him and Jake asked if I wanted him to go with just in case because last time I got into a fight with this kid, I started crying and Jake said he was going to beat the shit out of him for making me feel that way. I told him I should be okay but keep his phone on him. I didn't have to text him but after I got back to my room that night, I found out that my roommate and Jake have been texting about me, he asked her if I was back yet and she said no but she was getting worried, she didn't like seeing me cry earlier and Jake said "yea, it was terrible seeing her like that." That same night before I had work, a few friends wanted to go to Applebee's including my roommate so she asked if I wanted to go and at this time, she was coming back from work, Jake and I were in my room talking, I said to him that I'll go if he goes and he said he'll go if I go so my roommate asked me and I said yes so we both went. I know you're going to say now that he seems like he does like me but he really is just a gentleman to everyone. When my roommate dresses up, he tells her she looks nice but when I wear something nice, nothing. She said she thinks it's because I dress up everyday that it's nothing out of the ordinary for him to see me dressed up where as she wears yoga pants or leggings frequently so it's new for him to see her like that. My roommate also doesnt have her license so Jake said over break, he's going to teach her how to drive and even take her to her test because he'll be 21 soon. But he prefaced it by saying I can be there too to help as well. Meanwhile, as this is all going on, he is "talking to a girl" in another hall that is a freshman. He said two days ago to a mutual friend that the whole whatever was going on is over because she told Jake she didn't have feelings for him. However, afterwards, she texted him and said that was a lie, she was just scared because he's too nice for her and she doesn't know how to take him. So he does talk to me about her sometimes which is basically what makes me question this whole argument that he is just a best friend type of situation. Anyway, please just let me know what you think, if he likes me or not and what I should do. Thanks!
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Thanks for all the details. It is good to know all the different scenerio's and situations.
Jake might simply be the type of person who prefers friends of the opposite sex. I for example prefer relating to men over women.
If this is the case, then Jake will likely all his life be supportive of and willing to uphold and strengthen a female which may include being in their company and being a friend to them, complimenting them, wanting to know their hobbies, goals or desires so he can help encourage them, and always willing to lend a hand where a males help may be needed. Guys like this are not in the majority. I have a husband like this and have not yet met another guy who is as supportive of, building up and encouraging of females as he.
I had to laugh when you said the one girl was afraid because she was confused by him being too nice to her. My hubby showed me right after we met on a dating site, some of the answers he got from other females. Quite a few wrote that he was too good to be true, guys aren't that nice and perfect, or told him he was full of BS or some other such comments. Thats how rare this type of guy is.
Problem is that it makes it harder to tell if the guy is really interested in a particular female more than the others if he treats all the same.
So you have to look for subtle clues.
Just talking to you about other girls does not mean he is attracted to them romantically and have an interest deeper than a friendship. Remember, if females are more likely to be his friends than males, this would be the same as another guy talking to you about his male friends.
In the process of being a friend to many females, he will come across someone he has interest in. Perhaps that is you. I am guessing that since he considered your feelings and didn't want you to think there was anything else going on but driving lessons when he offered that to your roommate, he invited you along. He did not have to invite you. It couldn't be to have you for company because he would have to be focused and interacting with your friend to help coach for driving. So the only reason for you to be present, would be that he wants you to see that this is strictly him being friendly and helpful, nothing else. He may have talked to the freshman girl but in his mind, a possibility of a relationship with her is over in his mind no matter what because someone like him will need a female who is secure in herself and have a good self image and not jumps to conclusions, or gets jealous easily. Asking you along on driving lesson, is possibly to show you that you have nothing to be jealous about.
A guy like this may think he is leaving good enough clues to let you know how interested he is in you and because of who he is and what he is like as far as his conduct with females, he will wait and allow them to make the first move romantically such as to cuddle or kiss. I had to kiss my husband when we met the second time cus he was not making a move for me. But once he had that initial confirmation from me, he moved easily into the next phase of being romantic and when I gave him a clue by what I said that I was ready to go further with him, then sexual.
I could be totally wrong about him being this type of guy but he's got to be at least something in between. I am not sure about him not complimenting you as easily, tho the compliments came more once I had made the first moves. I used an occasion of him giving me back something he had fixed for me to move over to him and give him a quick kiss, not the romantic kind but thank you kind to show i really appreciated what he had done. I used whatever kind of flirting I could do that involved some kind of touch. I shall post a link to a site with suggestions on that.
You might try having a talk with him on what you have observed about how he treats females in general and ask questions to get some confirmations if indeed he is this kind of guy. Then you can jokingly say that you are glad to have come to know him as a friend but that the only problem with him being like that is that it's awfully hard to know when a guy like that is interested in a girl as more than a friend.
See...here you are telling him what the situation is for you while the wording is not asking him directly. It is up to him now to tell you that he really likes you. With the type of quality time you've had together from your story, he could easily know by now if he wants to be in a relationship with you or not. The situation is how you discover this.
So if he confirms he is the type of guy who prefer
female friends over males and that it is in his nature to be supportive of and uphold all that is in the females interest, then you'll have to decide whether you come to the point of asking him straight out if he's is happy just being good friends with you or if maybe he's hoping to take it further. It might help to be touching him in some way to let him know you are interested, whether touching his hand or shoulder as you ask. Little things like this do not go un-noticed in a male like this.
Or just rely on flirting by touch to see if you get a response from him. Here's the link on that
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