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Confused? why is he acting so weird!


Question Posted Friday November 15 2013, 5:35 am

Hi everyone, well i am confused and id be grateful for some advice :) sorry if this is long! Well i knew this guy for a few months, (lets call him joey) we got a long really well and became close friends.. and i started to like him and i guess he started to like me too, we used to always act like we were a couple and it was pretty obvious there was something going on between us, but when we actually talked about it, he told me that he feels like were two different people and that our lifestyles dont clash and that we should just "give it time" honestly that didnt work out for me because it was kind of a hit or miss situation for me and i dont like to wait on anyone, so i told him to just give me some space to get over it and he agreed that was for the best. So a month went by and we started talking again, ofcourse not like we used to..we were just casual friends and honestly the fact that he gave me my space to get over it made me realize how much he didnt feel for me because if he did he wouldnt have let me go, or let go of the situation.. right? Now,i started getting closer to one of his best friends, he used to hang out with us in our group but we were never so close but now we are.. his best friend really likes me and told me he did, and i told him im not sure how i feel about him and we shuld just keep things going with the flow right now and he agreed. Now joey doesnt talk to me at all, and is always giving his best friend bad attitude, i wrote joey a few days ago and he was normal till he ignored me half way through the conversation and he NEVER does that with me, ever. And like hes been weird with the two of us, i dont understand why though.. he told me it wasnt going to work out between us and now hes upset that im just hanging out with his best friend? am i doing something wrong? i honestly dont think i am but any advice would be great, thank you all!

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A_perspective_mans_pov answered Saturday November 16 2013, 9:56 pm:
He could feel as you had been trying to,"turn him on," and hang out with his friends for no apparent reason. But he also could had been scared to tell you that he actually does like you. Honestly I think that he's not happy with your specific decision, not to be of any offense, I'm just saying.

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Dragonflymagic answered Saturday November 16 2013, 9:24 pm:
Males of any age can come to a point in a relationship where something is happening that scares them and they want to 'take a break' give it time of 'giving themselves some space'. It may mean that there is something lacking, that spark, maybe difficulties they believe should not be there so they want to remove themselves from the situation to have time to sort out their feelings and emotions and get a clearer understanding of the relationship with you.

Then again asking for space as in my case with Tom, a man of late forties, from the day we met, we clicked so well, the spark the attractions, much in common, going so smoothly that in two weeks time of seeing each other almost daily for hours and hours it was so intense so quickly it scared him. He asked me to give him space for a week. Which I did, but after 3 days he called and said he'd had enough time to think, would I come see him, he'd explain. The time away is used to decide whether their deep feelings for a female are real or if its infatuation that fades as you spend time apart. For Tom, he realised it was the real thing and we dated quite a while.

I think perhaps that was the case for Joey. Something scared him and when he spent time away from you, he was in the process of beginning to understand his feelings for you.

When you suggested he give you space, he understood it in the terms I described above. So your statement: "the fact that he gave me my space to get over it made me realize how much he didnt feel for me because if he did he wouldnt have let me go, or let go of the situation.. right?" may have been you misjudging the situation. It could have gone either way so it does not necessarily mean he didn't feel anything for you, just that he thought you needed time to sort out your feelings for him as he needed to do the same with you. End of story.

By his reaction of you becoming chummy with his best friend, I would have to guess that he did have feelings for you and had to come to grips with it in his mind first before being able to let you know. In the mean while there you go to his friend which that he likely interprets as you never having been really interested or crazy about him to begin with. I'd guess his feelings are hurt so to keep from having his wounds rubbed in salt, he distances himself from you. Thats normal under the assumption he's in.

This is a matter of young teens not understanding the opposite sex too well, of making assumptions, of lack of good communication, of fear of the intensity of things felt for the first time.

The remedy? Have a heart to heart talk. Just sharing your sides of the story, what you each were feeling and thinking and maybe expecting to happen, no blaming or name calling allowed. The two of you may discover that you want to go back to and continue to explore your relationship, or you may feel that he is only infatuated and jealous that his friend has you but has no feelings for you. Just jealous that he doesnt have a girlfriend too. Communication is the key

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