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Friends or lovers


Question Posted Thursday November 14 2013, 6:40 pm

So Im 18 years old, and female,and have a boyfriend. But there is a friend at school who I hangout with. He is always flirting with me and when Im at my locker he is always looking at me. He is really cute, and I kinda like him too. But I still have a boyfriend. I don't want to break my boyfriends heart, What should I do?

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lightoftruth answered Friday November 15 2013, 2:31 am:
You need to figure out your feelings. You obviously can't have both so you need to find out what you really want.

Take time and space to figure all this out.

If you really care about your boyfriend and you want to stay with him, don't spend a lot of time around your friend.
If you realize you like your friend and you don't care for your boyfriend anymore, then break up with your boyfriend. It's not right to stay with someone when you don't feel the same anymore.

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Dragonflymagic answered Friday November 15 2013, 12:35 am:
Is he aware that you have a boyfriend?
Don't make any rash decisions. Let #2, know you are dating currently. If you become single, you will let him know. Right now you can only be classmate friends just as you are with everyone else, nothing more.

People date either because it's just the social thing to do, or because they are using the dating venue to seriously learn about the opposite sex, learn what they like and don't like, and what kind of guy would make the best match for a long term committed relationship, whether legally as in married or not...no matter how far in the future it is.
If reason two is why you are dating, then give the first guy all your attention. Learn what you can about him. Do you feel that spark with him. How does he treat you. Is he respectful, encouraging, romantic? What is it that is important to you? You can not expect to change a guy to become the right guy for you, either he already is that without any changes needed, or he is not. If he is not right for you, or you find yourself feeling bored or indifferent towards him, then perhaps its time to move on.

One thing you need to realize is that whenever you or a guy gets to the point you realize you no longer want to be together for whatever reason, then staying together in order to not hurt or break someones heart is not a good reason to stay together. There is no way to avoid someone having their heart hurt in a break up, its one of the things everyone has to go through because its highly unlikely that someones first date ends up their marriage or life partner. It happens but not very often.

So evaluate how you feel about the 1st boyfriend. How long have you dated? Has it been enough time to get to really know enough about him. At this age, many guys aren't going to completely have it figured out how to be a good boyfriend yet. But some do know how to be a real good best friend to a girl and yet also the two be romantically attracted to each other.

A word of warning: Don't let yourself get addicted to the feeling of attraction and flirting of new relationships, a heightened sense of feeling during the beginning of each relationship called NRE, new relationship energy. NRE will feel like something addictive, like a drug, that once it wears off, you leave one guy to go to the next to feel that same high.

Right now, you don't know enough about #2 to know if there is really anything in common besides being mutually attracted to each other. In life, you will find that often you find your body and senses responding and feeling attracted to many men at the same time, whether you are single, dating, or married. It's something that can't be turned off, its part of what we are as sexual creatures.

So we need to learn what counts beyond initial attraction and romance, and that would be who he is on the inside and how he treats you. Is he the closest best friend you've ever had, does he treat you like a princess, does he know you and all your moods, feelings wishes, dreams, and desires really well? Thats the ultimate goal you're looking for. Let each guy you date be a stepping stone of getting closer to that.

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