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How to let an older man know I'm interested
I used to work with him, and when I moved to a different state it was really difficult. It was like...the world was beautiful in a nostalgic sense, something I once saw but couldn't anymore. The vitality was gone because I couldn't share it with him. Over the years the intensity of those feelings decreased, but they were always there. Sometimes I would dream that I was back there and he was there with me, and I would wake up and the loss was overwhelming.
But as fate would have it (and it truly was a twist of fate), I am back and working with him again. And it's almost like nothing's changed, like those years in between never happened. Except before, I thought my interest was one-sided: we had a very friendly professional relationship, but I didn't think it extended beyond that. Now, he's making what seem to be flimsy excuses to talk to me, he'll offhandedly ask if I'll be at different events around town, he'll ask my opinion on his work, etc. I'm on a short-term contract and he often asks if I'm making plans to stay beyond that end date. I have nothing but the greatest respect for this man, so I never would have tried to push things unless I thought my feelings might be reciprocated. But now...
It's driving me mad, because I know this flirtation under the guise of friendliness is where it will stay unless one of us makes the first move. I won't. I won't because I won't risk losing his respect in case I'm misinterpreting his behavior. And I know him - he won't unless he's sure I'm interested, in no small part because he's "the older man." The age gap is big. And I'm quite sure neither of us is regularly attracted to someone well outside their age range, so this is very new territory.
But this man is my soul mate. What am I saying? I don't even believe in soul mates. But there he is. So how can I subtly let him know I'm interested? I don't want to be too direct too quickly, because I can backtrack more easily out of a subtle approach if it turns out I've misread the situation. Any thoughts?
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You've had a taste of what life is like without him. If you do nothing, when your job contract ends, you'll likely end up with a life of more of the same, lonliness and the feeling of pain and loss and lots of what ifs. Who's to understand why sometimes two people fall for each other and their hearts are so closely tied to the other, life has no joy without them and yet there's a big age gap. Can you say for certain that the major thing for your soul to learn in this lifetime does not include learning how to accept and enjoy a relationship with someone older, maybe old enough to be your dad? Because there are lots of obstacles to overcome, mostly all the in minds of those around you and in your own minds. No...it's not a very common thing. Just because it's uncommon, does that make it wrong? NO. Just recently I viewed an episode of extreme cougar wives, your situation in reverse. There's one where the man is in his twenties and the female almost 60 and they are perfectly happy together. here's the link which you may find empowering to watch (Extreme Cougar Wives):
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Though it is the reverse of your situation, I find it interesting when Jane 59, has a young man say to her that she is everything he has wanted and been looking for in a woman, too bad she is much older than him. And her reply was, why does that have to be a problem. They are very happy together. They don't care what other people think or say.
You have to have a tough hide to not let others opinions bother you if you were to go for it. Perhaps your souls mission and lesson to learn in this lifetime Was to experience what a relationship with a big age gap is like and to learn to overcome the obstacles that come with it. Can you see yourself living life without him and no contact at all with him in any way shape or form in the future. Can you handle that for a bigger amount of time than last time? How about 10 years of not seeing him or having him in your life, 15? More? At some point of imagining the future without him, if there is the connection you say you feel, then you should also feel a great feeling of dispair at the thought of not having him.
If you say nothing, it's 100% for sure that you'll feel this way and not have him in your life.
If you say something, then its 50-50% chance that you will have him in your life as a sweetheart. Either he feels the same and starts a relationship with you or he doesn't feel the same and then theres two options to the other 50%, 25 % chance it ruins the friendship and he avoids you due to awkward feelings, or 25% chance he says he's flattered but says no to the dating relationship and chooses to remain friends.
As I see it 50% that you become a couple, 25% chance that you remain friends but don't become a couple and 25% chance that you never see him again, the odds of you continueing to see him in some way the rest of your life are 75% chance. That would be enough odds for me to say something.
If I were you, I would not count on subtle as a way to get the point across that you are interested in him as more than just a co-worker or friend. If the person were showing no interest in being around you, then yes it would be awkward to bring up the subject.
I would make it very obvious. Bring up the subject of age gap. Tell him you happened to come across a you tube video of a show called Extreme Cougar Wives. The biggest age gap was a 27 yr old man with a 59 year old woman. It hit home for you because age doesn't matter to you either. Then ask him how he feels about that. Depending on his response, he may feel encourage to say something right there if he has feelings for you. If he doesn't, don't let the conversation die. take it further. Then you tell him that you believe that a person older than you might be perfect for you. Should you just go ahead and ask him out?" If he says yes, then tell him he's the one you have interest in, will he go out with you?
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