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What should I think in responsen to what happened with my boyfriend?
Hi Dragonfly, I'm the girl who asked the other two questions about her boyfriend (The first one was about if he's the one I should marry and the second question was about him not having sex with me for a week). I finally broke down and asked him why he hadn't sex with me in a week and he said it was because he was waiting for me to want to have sex with him because he knew the last couple times were painful for me and that I should never feel bad and that he wanted me to ask him any time I felt that way because it was never about him trying to guilt trip me or anything he just didn't want to hurt me or push sex on me when I didn't want it.
Well we had sex that night and it didn't hurt as much (and I didn't bleed) because he took a little more time with me beforehand but I also didn't feel anything. I mean it wasn't good and it wasn't bad and now I'm confused because I feel like I should be getting some sort of pleasure from it if it didn't hurt right? I mean I felt the movements inside of me but that's it.
It was also kind of quick though and he was done in a couple minutes which he apologized for and said he was sorry that it was over so fast but that he was just so turned on and he hadn't had me in too long but he rated the sex a 10. (We rate things all the time 1-10 lol)
I don't know what to think. Is it possible there's something wrong with me that I didn't feel any enjoyment from it or was it just not long enough for me to feel anything?
I mean I've heard of girls actually having something wrong with them physically that kept them from receiving pleasure from sexual acts and I'm wondering if it's not something like that...
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Haaha, we rate things like that too, mostly the orgasms for strength.
I have not heard anything about females having something wrong with them where they couldn't receive pleasure.
BUT, and this is a big But...two people can be lacking sexual chemistry, you know the spark where a girl can say, I felt something when he looked at me, i felt something when he kissed me, touched me, or when we had sex. Without that spark, the sexual act is just going to be mechanical, going through the act. It doesnt mean anythings wrong with either person. Its that chemical makeup of the person and the pheremones they let off that are not a match, like trying to mix oil and water.
Can we get the spark if its lacking?
NO...there is nothing you can do, its either there or not. this is like asking how can I change my genetics?
What you can do is to improve techniques.
ONe thing that must be done is for the guy to work on himself so he doesn't ejaculate so fast. There are certain excercises a man can do to retrain himself so he can control it and hold back until you've been totally pleasured. While a man will come usually just the once, a woman is capable of having one orgasm after the other.
Here's a liknk to what he can do, and none of them require you, he must do these on his own and in 4 weeks the problem should be gone:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Now as for you, what the two of you can do is study about how to attain a g-spot orgasm in you. ALL women are capable of having this but not all are capable of female ejaculation with it. So here's something to get you both started. Both of you must watch both videos over and over or until you have a firm idea in your mind of how both the male and female genitals work. The videos are done by a medical school in Oregon and are quite entertaining, not boring at all.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Then Dr. Oz talks about it. A short clip but the big message here is it takes about 10-15 minutes of working on the area to get to a g-spot orgasm.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Its not a quick thing so if a man can not learn to work on a female for 15 min to get the first one and then for the next half hour to continue so she can have consecutive ones, before he allows himself to do so, then he's the wrong man to be with to enjoy sex with, especially if he has no patience and no desire to learn patience.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Start searching for more videos on g spot orgasm and once a female is able to do these with the man helping by stimulating it with his finger, then there is a chance that he may be able to stimulate the A-spot with the end of his penis. The A spot is on the same wall of the vagina, just further in, and right before the cervix. But the ability to have these orgasms must be introduced to her body first, it must become used to the g spot ones before she can experience the other at times (not always) with the man inside her. I have been with men who I had no chemistry with, just for a sex partner until I found some to fall in love with. And it is very possible with practice for both of you to still achieve good orgasms even if there is no chemistry.
A-spot info is available in on line searches also. Look particularly for you tube videos where you have diagrams and models to look at to see what they are talking about.
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