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I'm falling for my best friend
The other day I realized that I was falling for my best friend. Normally i would prance around in my prettiest clothes and maybe even tell him how i feel, but the problem is that he's been my best friend for years. I only realized I liked him a couple weeks ago, but its been eating away at me ever since. He has a girlfriend also. All I want right now is some closure, but theres no way I can talk to him because it might ruin our friendship forever. What do I do?
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My best advice for you is don't keep your feelings bottled up inside you never what he could until he does and if your friendship is strong enough than it can last who knows sometimes your best friend can turn out to be your only and only .
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I think the only way to get closure is to talk to him.
If you seriously can't talk to him, then keep your distance and find a way to move on.
There is a chance that it could ruin the friendship but honestly, this will just make you miserable right? Unless you can just move on then you should probably find a way to talk to him. Maybe if you find out he doesn't feel the same, you can move on.
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Well, if you say nothing and continue to try to just hang with him as a friend and still enjoy the company without your feelings and emotions feeling tortured, then continue on, say nothing.
If however, the more you see nigal him, the more you feel tortured because you are inlove with him and feel you can't tell him, then you may have to decide to stop all contact with him. Or extremely
limit it.
If all of a sudden you are acting distant or have stopped talking to or seeing him, he's going to want some explanation as to what is up.
Can you see him falling for some flimsy excuse you concoct if he really knows you well as a friend? You know whatever excuse you give will likely not ring true for him. And then there's a chance he will wonder if he unintentionally said or did something that hurt you and is the cause of why you are keeping distant. I am sure you don't want to cause him any hurt that way.
So, either you avoid doing anything, and try to do some crisis mop up later when this all comes to a head on it's own, or you think of ways to bring up to him how you are feeling.
If you admit your feelings, yes it could change or ruin the friendship. But as I just spelled out, taking the other path will surely eventually come to the same end result, just later than sooner.
However, if you told him, and he then understood why you wont see him anymore because of how its hurting your heart, at least you wont have made him feel hurt or guilt because of not knowing anything as to why.
Then, last possible scenerio, is that you discover he was having the same feelings for you but didn't want to threaten the friendship and /or didn't think you'd welcome a more romantic side to the relationship.
His dating a girl could be because he is truly interested in her and smitten with her, so he is just hanging with her in an attempt to divert his romantic feelings for you.
Lots of great relationships have at their base, a good solid friendship. There are married people who will claim their mate as their best friend. My husband is my best friend. The chemistry sexually is either there or it isn't. If it was there from the beginning but you chose to ignore it in favor of what was more important to you at the time, friendship.....then there's a good chance he felt the same thing. Some times it's one sided and felt only by one person.
I have given you a lot of possibilities to think about. In the end, the decision as to what you do is still your choice. Go with your gut feeling as to what to do. Whatever choice you make, let it not be out of fear to go with another choice. Fear will almost always mislead you.
One last thing, the other woman is a girlfriend, not a fiancee as far as you know. So other than dating, there has been no commitment to her. The process of dating may seem like a commitment and yes there are smaller short term commitments to it, but dating is all about discovering more about the other person and whether to keep seeing them or move on to the next if they aren't right for you....so dating relationships come and go, they are not set in stone.
Your attitude, if it is not to break up his relationship with the other girl but you feel you must stop seeing him, then you are doing the explanation out of love and concern for his feelings, and that is not a bad thing.
Good luck dear. I'd love to hear how it works out and help with any future questions that come up about this.
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