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I'm Unsure of My Feelings for My Best Friend
16/F
I have a friend, we'll call her S. S and I go to the same high school. I can't remember at all how we became friends, but we did and it's amazing. Y'know how you have those friends that you talk to in school who never want to speak to you outside of school and make plans in front of your face? S is exactly the opposite and it make me feel special because most of my "friends" are like what I have just described. Usually, she herself is actually trying to convince me to be more social. We've been able to talk to one another for hours and never get bored. Once she kept mentioning a conversation that had us up until two in the morning on a Saturday night/Sunday morn. S convinced me to get a tumblr, which I did and I'd been wondering about my feelings for her for a while. One day I noticed a post of her's where she mentioned that she was bisexual. I've been wondering how to handle the situation for weeks. It's gotten to the point where I see her in my dreams and I'd generally identify as either straight or bisexual myself. Should I be open to thinking out any feelings for her, or should I just push them aside for the sake of our friendship? Thank you in advance.
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It's a tricky situation, because exploring such feelings does put your friendship at risk. In the end, you'll need to make the call insofar as whether it is worth that risk.
It is possible that the writing is already on the wall. She may be attracted to you as more than a friend, and this is one of the reasons why she enjoys spending so much time with you and talking until 2 in the morning. The only way you'll know that is to ask about it.
I recall when my best friend came out to me as gay. The first and only question I had for him was, "How do you feel about me?" He replied that I was "a cute guy, but not really his type when it came to that." I was very relieved, as it would likely have doomed our friendship if he had feelings which I could not return. But I think it would have been doomed anyway if he'd had such feelings but kept them secret.
You'll also want to consider whether you'd be interested in a public romantic relationship with your friend, or if it would need to be kept hidden. Fortunately, this is not ten or twenty years ago when you probably would have been ostracized or even assaulted over being in a relationship with another girl, but that doesn't mean society has become completely enlightened yet. I would suggest that if you wouldn't be prepared to hold her hand in public, you probably shouldn't kiss in private. It's a matter of respect; secret relationships are inherently disrespectful, because it indicates that you are ashamed of the person you're with.
Before you reveal your feelings to her, think about how far you'd want to go. Do you just want to kiss her, to see what it's like? Do you want to go further than that? How would you feel about if it she started getting intimate with someone else, male or female? Can you see yourself going on romantic dates with her, or to prom night? And if things didn't work out, do you think your friendship could survive a breakup?
In the end, all you can do is follow your heart. But I will say one thing for sure: One should never lie about love. If what you feel is attraction, curiosity, or infatuation, you can safely tuck it away and go on being Friends. If it's love, then you have to tell her.
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Good relationships start off as friendships first.
If you're thinking you might be bisexual, then take your time to figure it out.
It's good to figure yourself out. If you realize you have feelings for her, that's when you decide where you'd like to go with that.
If you can see yourself with her, or would like to pursue a relationship with her, then do that. If you like her but you don't see yourself dating her, then you know you need to move on.
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