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Must my boyfriend give me Money?
I'm 20 years old and my boyfrriend is 24.We are both employed.He never spoils me nor take me out.I only get a present on my birthday.Every month ends he takes his sister 's kids to fancy resturants at the mall,pays the kids 's hair ,gives her sister some cash and the kids but He never does those kinds of things for me.Sometimes I feel like im just a sex made to him and when I tell him how I feel He says I must not copy what is happening on other people 's relationships.What must I do.
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No, he must not give you money. Attention, yes. Money, no. If you feel like you're just sex then talk about that. If you feel like you're entitled to more money than his sister and nephews he's absolutely right that you don't get to copy his relationships with his family and you probably need to end the relationship and find someone who's more keen to spend money on you or something.
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Sit him down and explain how you feel. That you need more attention from him and that it would be nice to go out and do something sometimes. Maybe he will take you out. Sometimes guys are just plain clueless on what a woman wants and/needs in their relationship.
~PJC
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At 24, I highly doubt that he knows much of or anything at all about the different love languages.
There are 5. And a person can not love everyone in their life the same way because what they recognize as a sign of love may not be what the other persons love language is. Perhaps this is what he was refering to?
You know its not about money or he wouldn't lavish on family as he does. It may have to do more with wanting to do so for blood relations but not anyone else. Thats not how you go about having a healthy happy relationship with a partner who is supposed to be the love of your life. He's young and has some things to learn. Read this article that explains the 5 love languages as written by Gary Chapman,
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Discover which is your main love language, maybe followed by a second. Lets say that your love language is giving of gifts. YOUR boyfriends love language may be quality time. So he gives you lots of quality time cus thats what he wants in return as a showing of your love for him. But you give him gifts which means nothing to him and he spends quality time with you and you feel unloved because he hasnt communicated love to you in your language. It makes sense. So have a talk about that and discover how to show each other love that way the other needs to receive it. Thats what you do if you love each other. If he's not willing to, then I'd question whether he truly loved me at all. Even if his love language is not giving of gifts, going out for dinner together every once in a while is a special thing for a couple, time just for themselves, splurging a little,not having to cook, commemorating some special event, the day you met, birthday, whatever. So see if he's willing to learn how to please you, that what couples do, if they love each other. My husband doesnt like receiving gifts, nor does he like decorating for holidays. But he loves watching my excitement as I get pleasure from decorating but I make sure not to buy him gifts. What he wants is quality time with me and he gets that all year round. It's hard to give more quality time to him as a gift for a special occasion unless we change the location where we spend quality time together, such as going away to a bed and breakfast place for a weekend or just a day.
It could be that he is taking you for granted, thinking like you'll always be there with him, though he may not be putting enough effort into the relationship for it to truly be a successful healthy one. The following quote sums it up for me:
"Happily ever after doesn't happen just because you wish it so. It only happens when both parties put in maximum effort to make it so." ~~LunaNebulosa
So the best thing I can recommend hon, is that you have a good heart to heart talk with him about this situation again. Do not bring up what he does for others. Do not whine or complain or point the finger at him as what he is lacking or doing wrong. But do tell him "I FEEL like I am being taken for granted." (its okay to acknowlege feelings, that doesn't blame him,whether its his fault or not) If you were to say, "YOU are taking me for granted."that would be a negative way of getting across the same message and may make him shut down in a defensatory action. How you discuss the situation is as important as takinit seriously. Make sure its a time when he's not distracted by something else he must attend to, make the appointment time to have this talk with him. If he won't take this talk seriously enough to have it with you, then you'll need to have to decide whether it's something you want to break up over. I personally would, if my mate were unwilling to discuss things with me, hear me out and take seriously the needs I state I have and then him doing something about meeting them. It could be that the two of you are not a perfect match. Even perfect matches will have their days of arguments or upsetting each other...but there has to be some genuine love to begin with and I think that is what's coming into question for you here. If you discover he likes you but is not in love with you, then find a man who is.
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