|
How do i fix something with someone i really care about.
I have messed up badly, where i work i recently met a guy i have grown very fond of, we spoke everyday and saw each other occasionally and i cannot stop thinking of this person.
So here is the problem, i have been in a relationship for 6yrs and two beautiful babies, however we have been drifting for a while and in my eyes we are together for the children. I was on the verge of leaving my partner but after a serious row my partner went through my phone seen these messages and slapped me calling me a slag, a slut and sent this person i care for awful messages so that he would never and i quote "want to go near me again". This person made me feel special and wanted and made me smile and i haven't felt like that for a while, used to being told i am unattractive and yes i told this person i was single as in my eyes i was, i was just scared to leave as i get threats that my partner will take my kids and i will never see them again.
We have now broken up and i have my children and my main focus is them, i just don't know what to do to make things better with this other person, i have apologised from the bottom of my heart and i know i have lost something good, i don't care if he isn't interested in me anymore as i don't deserve someone as great as him i just want to make things better so he knows how sorry i am. I have messaged him and the reply i had was "i've got alot of explaining to do"- yet when i sent a message with the explanation i had no reply, just don't know what to do. Sorry for long windedness i just need help!!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Oh my...he hasn't answered a text. Well I don't know what that means when it comes to younger people. I'm in my fifties. My generation would look at just texting to explain a big mess up like this as way too impersonal, or not really having a concept of how serious this is, not taking the explanation seriously, or seeing it as a cop out for you ...like you are afraid to explain face to face.
I can understand a couple drifting apart, thinking they had enough chemistry to make it work and in the long run it doesnt work for one or the other. I wouldn't hold against you that mistake of marrying the wrong person.
However, I am not sure you even brought up the convo with your husband. Yes its hard to bring up the convo. but its what an adult has to do... especially in a relationship...to be able to discuss all kinds of topics. >Good communication is important. So is trust. If you did not discuss anything with husband, then he had a right to be upset with you. He may still have been upset if you told him you felt you've drifted apart and wanted a divorce...without you having been with dating soomeone else.Have either of you discussed going for marriage counseling. Do you think its just a bunch of silly mistakes you both make out of ignorance that have been affecting the marriage and could possibly be reversed?
But then again, you say he's threatened to take kids away before. So it makes me think you've brought up divorce in the past??? And this is his way of getting you to shut up and drop the idea. If thats what he's like, then he sounds controlling and used to getting his way.It is not healthy to stay married to someone like that.
Yes, the second guy has the right to be upset and not trust you enough to ever get back together with you. I don't want to rub it in dear, but I'd rather err in giving TMI rather than not enough information...even if it scares away a good guy. Thats always been how I operate. I've even had a guy or two tell me it was way too much information for the first time or two meeting me. But what really is the right time to tell someone what your situation is? Cus two people can become hooked on each after after only a couple times meeting and then it becomes heart breaking if they cant handle it when you disclose certain information after the 3rd date.
So, do your explaining in person. If you're a woman who has been verbally abused all your marriage, then you can easily not have been thinking clearly. If thats the case, you may want to tell him about this. There is a bit of the low self image in there with having listened to and believed people who said you were ugly. There are few people on the planet who like like the air brushed, made up celebrities. In real life, some of them don't even look as good as I do at 55. Men all have different tastes in what they find attractive in a female. Fine hair, flat chest, freckles, no make up, short, chubby, etc. In my life, I've seen it all. You must know that you are easy prey for a man who is controlling. So whatever you decide to do, make sure the man you are with is one who treats you like a Queen and puts you first, finds no fault with you, etc...
]
More Questions: |