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should i stay with my boyfriend
we been together for 4 years lived together for 4 months and things changed since we moved together he shows interest in me we don't make love and when we do he just lays there while i do all the work n it makes me feel like he dosent want me... he says he loves me but he dosent show it 2 me... he goes 2 work comes home takes a shower goes on the computer n forgets im in the same room, he says his tired but i feel neglected he wont give me anymore... so we fight n fight n fight... he does his own thing n i feel like his not ready 2 seatle down because its all about him, we fight over money because he spends way too much and nothing 2 show off 4 im upset because his going away for the weekend 2 a wedding n didnt even asked me 2 go with him... he calls me alot bad names and his upset because i told him lately has been all about himself he cant even make me finnish... I find myself very lost, hurt and at times down right depressed.This relationship is taking its toll on me...I don't know how much he loves me, not when he acts like this. I don't know how to explain to him I need more stability in our relationship. I want to stay, and love him but he always saying you dont like my ways then live, his just not concerned about what im feeling. I never want to leave but this crazy relationship is One that is slowly wearing on me. I don't know how to reach him when he goes into this dark place, his anger, his sadness and I'm affraid that ill lose this very sweet loving side of me if I continue to go through this. I am hopeful, I am faithful and I see the good in all things and people but the negativity makes me loose my faith n my strenght too keep fighting for this relationship.. I don't want to become bitter or defensive. I don't want to become damaged. I don't want to become someone incapable of loving. I have been an emotional wreck. i want him 2 support me, be a friend, a lover, and be there for when i need him... his actions makes me feel like he dosent care about my opinions or how i feel. i feel like he dosent want to be in it like i am. his trying to live a single life and that dosent work when we are in a relationship.. im concerned and he dosent understand that we should be in together and we are not... we are in a living situation now is different things change
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There's a saying in life, "If you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong." You said, I have been an emotional wreck.
That is indicator enough that something is wrong. There is no magic wand or thing you could do to make it better. My guess is the two of you are not right for each other and it took living together to find out and that is a good thing. Being with a person 24/7 is going to reveal things about him to you or about you to him that you wouldn't discover otherwise in just a dating relationship no matter how long. So don't look at it as a failure but part of the relationship and dating process to determine for sure if the person you're with is one of those to make a life time committed partnership with, whether with marriage or without. Thankfully you found out soon enough that you are not going to work. It could be that he began to see things about you that he could no longer ignore when he was just dating. When dating, there was the opportunity for a regular sex partner, but although one of the aspects of a romantic relationship, its much more than that. Perhaps he talked himself into believing there was great sexual chemistry between you...but once living together and you are even more easily accessible, he discovers what he hid from or didn't realize before, that there isn't enough sexual chemistry to keep him interested in you. That coupled with him not being honest with you, afraid to tell you how he really feels and end it, or perhaps a good chunk of the selfishness of I am going to get what I need for me even though I don't love her. He may have said the words I love you, but actions speak louder than words. A person who loves someone is always going to put that person and their needs over his/her own. A guy in love will also want to uphold and support a womans hopes and dreams and goals in life Since that is not happening, he is not in love with you, no matter what he thinks he is. We nurture and encourage those we love, we don't tear them down with hurtful words. Another sign of no love or incapability to love.
From what you said near the end, i want him 2 support me, be a friend, a lover, and be there for when i need him.. it would seem you have a good idea of how each partner should treat the other, thats not happening. I was in a marriage where I did all the work and yet was verbally abused thru 3 kids and 30 yrs before I woke up and left. I hope it doesnt take you that long dear.
Either you two have no chemistry and he is a wimp of a man and is just hoping you will leave if he treats you rotten enough or ignores you instead of being brave enough to say he's discovered there is no chemistry on his part with you.
What you want is someone with equal attraction for you. My new husband of 4 years looks at me with the same admiring glances he gave me when he first met me, also whether clothed or naked, I still spark passion in him and we're both older people. Thats the way it should be. When you have the right guy, the living situation won't make things change for the worse or remove the romance or mystery, it actually gets better.
I think by the things you said you wanted to avoid having happen to you, that you already know deep down its time to leave him. But change is scary. So you just wanted someone else to agree with you that there is nothing left to stay for and its time to move on. If you feel the need for someone to talk to further, I know I did when I left my ex, then feel welcome to write me on my column. Just give me a short reminder by synopsis of your situation so I can remember you. There are so many people who write with their version of a bad relationship but the details differ.
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He doesn't want to fix this relationship. This whole thing is one sided. You're the one doing all the loving and trying to communicate with him while he just plainly doesn't care.
He's not going the be the man you want him to be. You can't make a man change. Only he can change himself and clearly, he's not going to do that.
You don't want to be with someone who says, "If you don't like my ways, then leave." You want someone you wants you to stay and would actually care if you left. He wouldn't care.
He might not be a bad guy, but people change. He's just not the right guy for you. He can't give you all the things you need.
So it's time to let him go and move on. It will hurt a lot but he's no good for you and is making you very unhappy.
Why be with someone who doesn't care if you would leave?
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This isn't a relationship sweetie.
Relationships aren't one sided, He isn't communicating. It takes work from both partners and strong communication to have a healthy relationship.
When someone says "If you don't like my ways then leave" THey have poor communication skills and fail to care to work at fixing the problem. He isn't affectionate, he doesn't seem to care about your feelings and he is treating you like an object. It isn't healthy and I believe you should find someone else who will treat you right. Staying with him is going to burn every energy and wear you down. Time to leave
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