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What is the best way to start talking to this girl when I see her again?
I have horrible anxiey and it causes me a lot of problems. The main problem this causes is the lack of ability to talk to anyone. I can not go up and talk to anyone for just conversational purposes unless they talk to me first. That is how I made friends. This is honestly annoying the crap out of me
a very disappointing situation that just came from it. There was a tutor I worked with for math at my college. She's great and a wonderful person to be around with. My class ended about two months ago. I had to go to college for something I thought it would be a great opportunity to just go in the tutor lab and say hi and chat with her a bit. A friend of mine said he was going to be there as well so he said come in at the same time to work on some stuff so he said to me come when he is there. This is perfect because having a friend of mine there can make me more comfortable and help me create coversation. Now it is not like I want to get in this girls pants or something (hell she is engaged) but I just wanted to have a conversation about stuff and not be a completely anonymous person. I am so envious of all the people who are able to just go up to people and just chat. I can't do that at all.
so I go there, but instead of going inside I get too anxious and just paced around outside of the place for like ten minutes and then just when I was thinking of going inm, she leaves (turns out she was leaving early today). I am so frustrated now and filled with regret. My freaking anxiety totally prevented me from just going in just to say hi.
there's a chance I can see her again some time but I have no idea what the schedule is going to be like. And with my friend being there today, this was such a perfect opportunity and I wasted it,
I am now going to be feeling miserable for a while. No don't get me wrong this is not a huge problem that people should be losing their sleep over or anything but this is still frustrating to me. I really want to learn something from this and let it be the "last straw" moment.
Please someone, give me some good tips on how I can talk to this girl when I see her again? Should I call my friend and ask him to be there to help out like I could have this time?
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You've posted this question before, and I know I answered you as others must have. In fact, I think it saw it with slightly different wording a second time unless it was a very almost exact same story but a different person.
If you did not like any of the advice last time, I don't think writing again will bring anything better, it's the same group of us here--a bunch of nice well mean folks of all ages and differing life experiences who love to help to the best of our ability. The likelihood of your finding someone here who is a professional that deals with anxiety problems with his patients on a daily basis is not going to happen. Besides, a professional would not give you some self help advice on a website, they would ask you to make an appointment to come in for a check up and some counseling. For all we know, maybe nothing positive you can try will make a change. You may need to go on medication for your anxiety problem. I won't go into my self help suggestions again. Don't worry, we aren't losing sleep over your problem but you likely are not at peace. When you are truly ready to learn how to deal with your anxiety problems, you will, but I don't think that now is the time, especially when people give advice and you repost the same question, it shows that your subconscious mind is only tinkering with the idea of overcoming this issue, but not seriously committed yet.
Well, its that or, perhaps you have some sort of class in school for which you need to write a paper and do research so you post a made up story here to see what response you would get and not enough advice givers responded so you had to repost again. If that's the case, be honest and tell us first that you are writing a paper for class about what average people in society think about anxiety problems and how to live with or overcome it. And you would like as much input as possible even tho this isn't a real person but for research only and the more random the better. Invite us to respond as if this was a persons real issue and then write your paper. Even if we know its not a real issue, we see lots of similar stories on here. Since most of us write out of our life experiences, including what we might have done wrong...what way not to go...we are likely not going to change how we respond to the next person with the almost exact same issue.
If you read the warning for this advice column, it does say to keep in mind that none of the advice is from professionals and that its entirely up to you to decide whether to use it or not. The fact that I took time to respond again, although I 've given my advice to you once before, is because I do care about you, I know how that feels to be in such a position. I also know that I did not take the steps to overcome it until I was ready. I agonized or felt miserable as you do for a long time before I did something to change myself--all without the help of a professional (unless you count God as a professional) I had to get to the point that I was so sick and tired of living with my problems of anxiety and horrible shyness too that it pushed me to seriously work through it.
Change must come from the inside. There is no outside action or words towards you that can make you change to overcome the anxieties. You are the one who must have the determination to take what you have heard, apply it, not give up and see it through til the end when you get the results you want. It's all about will power.
In your case, if this is not a school paper you're writing and your actual situation, then I'd say that likely your two minds are not on the same page yet. Your conscious mind is the one that wants to be able to talk to people and have normal conversation with them, but your subconscious mind is the one full of fears and emotions and yes, even disappointment at itself for not being able to do so. For you as an individual to work with your own subconscious mind and bring it to a point where its willing to work with your conscious mind is not easy. I do all the time. I treat mine like my inner child, another person inside me and give my subconscious another name, Selena. Ever meet people who talk to themselves. Unknowingly they are talking to their subconscious. I'd done it all my life until meeting my 2nd husband who had studied this and told me how this works. It's explained also in the Huna religion of the ancient Hawaaian priests. But this isn't the easiest thing to do, make suggestions to your own subconscious mind, and its better left to a hypnotist. Or you could see a professional counselor to try to get to the bottom of why you suffer this way.
There are no tips to give you how to talk to just this one particular girl when your issue is not about just her and covers your entire life. So to answer the last sentence, should you call your friend and ask him to be there to help you---the anwer is No. The answer is No because there is no such thing as borrowing bravery from someone else. Bravery isn't something you can put on like a sweater or jacket so it can't be gotten from another person and wrapped around you to protect you. Again I must state that this bravery must originate inside of you, and since it is currently not there, the changes also must originate inside of you.
I am sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear but this is reality.
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