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Breaking Up is Hard to do
I love my boyfriend dearly but after a few years of dating it's become apparent that he is not what i need in a partner. The relationship has gotten too "comfortable" and he does not make me feel special. I have cried to him about how i need him to be more outwardly loving towards me but it has not had any effect. Ive realized he's just not that kind of guy. I think i need to end it now (we will be apart for a few months), but how do i break up with someone i love? Yes, my life has revolved around him for years, but i am not happy and nothing seems to be changing. The question is not "do i end it", but how do i mourn the loss of my best friend? There are many things i will miss but i cant stay with someone who makes me unhappy. Please help me find some peace of mind
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
There are many women married to very nice guys who are their best friends but theres little to nothing in the romance department. Or call it lack of chemistry sexually. And what I am talking about covers a broader perspective than just having sex. I was in your situation. I however didn't wise up early on as you have, but I know what you're talking about. There is no reason to not see the person as just platonic friends in the future unless he meets another woman who is the jealous type, not secure in herself. Also, you may meet a guy that finds it hard for himself to feel comfortable knowing you are still close friends with your ex.
As to the feelings of your heart...well feelings and emotions are governed by our subconscious mind. It is your conscious mind that is making this decision which is for the best for you. It may take your subconscious mind some time to cope with the fact that you are not in the same kind of relationship. It may not be easy for your subconscious mind to let go of some of those strong feelings until you meet someone else who is able to uphold and romance and cherish you the way you need.
But you can try talking to your subc. self as if it were another person inside you. Give it a separate name. I did, the sub is also to me like my inner child and has the child like but also childish streak sometimes. So you may need to reason with her, your subc. and let her know that as great as he was, you are looking for something better and tell her how important it is for a long term relationship or marriage to have a stable base of both friendship and sexual chemistry. While she may disagree and feel that sex was great, you 'll have to explain that her opinion is only based on what she has so far experienced in the department and has very little life experience of others to compare to. You want someone who can't resist playing with your hair, giving you a kiss, hug or playful pat on the bottom as he passes you in the home, who does special little things that aren't needed, just to show his love, gives you compliments all the time, is willing and able to take time to just focus and listen and really hear what you have to say...that sort of stuff is important and thats what you have to tell your subc. self. Tell her that it's no fair to you if it makes you unhappy cus then she will be unhappy too. Tell her that in order to have happiness, she has to be willing to let go of him. Basically, this is much like giving yourself a pep talk. Your subc. mind is what hypnotists access to make suggestions to. I have been able to have good connection to my own subconscious self so as crazy as it may seem, if you work at it, this may help you with finding the peace of mind you seek in making this change.
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Just because you don't want an intimate relationship with the guy doesn't mean you can't still be friends. You just simply tell him you don't like being boyfriend/girlfriend & would rather just go back to being friends.
It may take a while for you to be just friends again. You may have to keep away from each other until broken hearts mend. Just talk to him. He may be feeling the same way.
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