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He lied about dating profiles after I forgave him


Question Posted Wednesday August 14 2013, 12:33 pm

We were in a LDR for 3 years. A few months ago my friend was on a stupid escort/dating site and saw him on it. Pics and everything. He denied it for a week until admitting that he made it when he was high (didnt know he was smoking). He proved he didn't use them as the site doesn't let you delete anything. He swore up and down there werent any more. I told him to tell me now or I cant move forward. Still said no only one. I forgave him because he was depressed and told me he was going to get help and stop the drugs.
We were doing fine. I was planning on moving in soon. He asked why I was a bit hesitant and I brought up the profile and how I felt hurt still. He got angry and said I forgave him and I need to drop it. I felt like he was lying again. During this time, I decided to do my own search to see if there were any more. Simply googled his email and there was. Two profiles. I don't know how to proceed. It doesn't look like he really used these either though.
If I end it and explain why, he's going to resort to name calling like last time. Saying I'm a creep, that I don't trust him.


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Xui answered Thursday August 15 2013, 2:59 pm:
You have every right not to trust him, He has lied over and over again. I don't care if he was high or not, He went and did it and prooved to you that he not only uses poor judgement as an excuse but he is irresponsible.

He made a profile and sort out to seek someone else while ib a relationship with you. Forgiving in this situation is vulnerability which can very well lead to him doing it again. Also, Name calling? He isn't excepting that HE screwed up, He is putting blame on you which is once again immature and irresponsible.


Find someone else

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lightoftruth answered Thursday August 15 2013, 2:54 am:
Whether or not he's cheating on you or talking to other girls online, he's been lying to you and treating you badly. That's a good enough reason not to be with someone.

You have every right to just google his email. Then you found out he lied to you again because he has another one when he said he didn't. Whether or not he uses it, he still lied, and he most likely did use it before.

He's making you feel like your feelings aren't valid. You're not sitting there bringing it up all the time or something. He asked you why you were hesitant and you told him the truth.
He hasn't earned your trust. You have forgiven him but it doesn't mean that the trust is automatically restored.
He's rude, he shouldn't be calling his girlfriend a creep or any other names.

Honestly, he doesn't sound like the right guy for you.

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Razhie answered Wednesday August 14 2013, 10:35 pm:
You know exactly how to proceed: Dump him.

It's really that simple. He's lying to you so much it's difficult to really know what the truth is, but even if you assume that he is NOT soliciting sex online (and he probably is) then you have to assume that he has a drug problem and depression that is serious enough to impact his judgement in these very serious ways.

Also - he has an anger problem, and calls you nasty names - even it sounds like threatens you and demands you stop talking about your own feelings - when you express a real concern about your life together.

You KNOW he is a bully and a liar, even if you have no proof of cheating, that is enough reason to end it.

If you don't want to explain why, then DON'T. He has betrayed your utterly, and probably much more than you currently know. You don't owe it to him to sit and take any abuse. End it and walk away - or hang up, log off and block him. If anything a LDR should give you more freedom to cut this toxic guy out of your life, not less.

Stop being his punching bag and stop letting him tell you how to feel and what to do. He's the creep here and you DON'T trust him. You don't trust him because he has proven himself to be entirely unworthy of trust more than once. You don't trust him because you aren't a complete idiot.

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