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joint family BS
i am on verge of just dont know what. but i have had enough with this.By uncle is phoning all the money for his kids and the luxuries and when me and my brother demanded anything frm our dad all we got an answer was no money.even my so called uncle said tht. cut to 25 yrs post this torture and sense of feeling deprieved and poor in our growing up days me and my brother today envy everything my cousins get.let me mention its a joint family buisness here in india and my dad has slogged his ass he being the elder one to make it survive.today my brother is married and the story still continues and has played on his mind life and everything. he has to quietly take money from dads cupboard without asking which amounts to stealing.My dad doesnt take any money from business for his expenses.my uncle distorts the accounts running in lakhs buys expensive cameras goes on holidays for his kids. and my parents think of saving for house renovation as we all stay together.and my uncle slyly doesnt invovle my dad in accounts or my brother who has evry right to be invovled. when my uncle was confronted by my dad he shouted and accused my dad back on top of his voice. so my dad kept quiet to keep the family together. he is afraid as im his daughter yet to get a good arranged marriage proposal in my caste here. My brothers life is ruined he isnt progressing in life at job he does or perosnal life with his wife. he is alwyas frustrated and talking about his past and blaming my parents and accusing my uncle and justifing his action.i dont know what to do how to help my parents or solve this matter for good. its been going ever since i can remember but tdy seing my brother go in worng direction pains me. i dont even feel like getting married and leaving my parents in this state.please help should i ignore and die within as all these years or speak out. because my uncle after getting evrything out of my dad will not answer anything but she demand sepration from family business and assets.as his kids are growing up and entering college.but this unfair to us my parents as they alwsy did and still do so much for them.i wanted a seperation when i was all 15 yrs as i wantd my mom n dad just to myself and yes a normal happy family but that time my father i remember till date had said he will never think of breaking the family even for his children.i use to live with the fact that i will get married and get away frm all this mess.but seeing how my brothers life is affected i am scared what future will hold.he has nothing apart frm his small salary from his coroprate job to provide with for his family in future now that he is married.my dad is old now . he wont be there forver to keep my uncles expenses from our joint business in check. his two kids have college fees of 2 lac rs every year and where as we dont even spend a penny as as i stay at home finished my mba with a scholarship and yet no job.because eversince i finished i have been distracted by family issues.i talked to my brother but he become agrresiive now and accuses my parents in front of his wife. my dad keeps crying now and then.please help me what should i do you can i save my family from this. my uncle aunt and her two kids are least bothered by us. they are happy in the own selfish world and dont even respect me and my brother as we are elder.i cant see my brothers life getting ruined. i cant see his past ruining his present and future.i cnat see my mom n dad so helpless. i never knew it would grow so big on my family such issues. im scared as hell what will be the situation even five yrs down the line.is confrotning my uncle the right thing. my father says pulling the last straw wil make evrything fall apart and hamper my marriage which is his top priority now. but i can seem to find peace or happiness after knowing all this. should i intefere or leave it to my dad n brother and god.one thing i swear on god and can tell you whenever household appliances are bought the money goes from the buisness acount abut when my uncle buy lavish gifts for his son my dad doesnt know where the money comes from as my uncles doesnt show or tell.the very same expensive camera i had begged my uncle to buy for my brothers wedding recntly he flatly refused saying no money we have in buisness . its going in losses. and after three months his son my cousin all of 18 yrs gets its as a gift. no one tells us or asks us. we just see the camera one fine day in our living room.My grandfather who technically owns the business has been brainwashed by my uncle making my brother the idiot angry man of 30 yrs.so my grandpapa alwys houst at him too. and when he came to know of the lavish expense of the camera he asked my uncle why he bought to which he replies it for my brother and all of us!!! do you not sense slyness here?or is it just me?i told my dad this but he as usual of his sainthood let it go. so did me n my brother. but today when i see my brothers life getting worse day by day because of some third persons doing in the business. i cant see my brother suffocate for the rest of his life and die.my ada is all alone now. he wants to fight i feel but cries alone because of his own sons doings according to him.i am 27 and according to our indian society someway burden on him. i dnt know what to do. i dont want to break relations as i am aware i have to get married first but nor can i see my family suffer.i want to end this. at times i feel my father nevr had a brother.at times i feel like ending my life (dnt wrry i wnt lv my parents a lot)but 12 yrs of the nonsense issues have taken its toll on me.me my parents my brother coz of this are alwyas fighting. i dont even remember last time we sat together for meal or smiled laughed.my uncle and his family are far away from this . they happy freaking out and chilling in life with not a care in the world. i feel like hating god for doing this to me and my family and making my dad so stuppid. maybe if he was sly and smart like my uncle and thought about fending for his kids first today this day wouldnt have come and my brother would have been happy stable peacefully living his life with his wife.i dont now what to ask you but just tell me something. some ray of hope coz i see only dispair and fights and sorrow in my parents and my brothers eyes. i thought maybe i should start going to the office and see the accounts myself but my uncle gives me such dirty vibes that i can even sit for minute in his presence.my dad all these years has been handling the workshop floor of repairing the cars. and our office where we rent them is in another area.so direct cash has been handled by my uncle always. investments have alwyas been made by him too , though he has made them on his own name only always and never ever told or advised my dad to make.another reason i never got to the office though i would love to go is beacuse of my aunt's sisters husband,who is always there in our office most evenings mornings as there is joggers park nearby. this even i find unprofessional and he talks to me and treats me as if i am an outsider in my own dads office.
should i start going inspite of this and be crocodile skin now and go to office and see the accounts for my brother? or is it not needed or too late now? what can i possibly do anyways there?i want happiness and peace not even any kind of luxury or comfort for my parents and brother.please tell me what should i do. i always hated family politics dishonest people but today i have lived my life in them , i shudder to think what and how my in laws will be. i have seen more than i needed to in life and im just fed up.pls pls help me.im just emotionally mentally exhausted now like my brother and dad.my dad faces some new issue accused by my uncle over money assets property evry day.my uncle very slyly expects my dad who has way crossed retirement age to re novate the house for him and his kids and where as my uncle himself being all of 48 doesnt want to think or take the responsibilty himself or share it. my dad has always been the one to set the business eduacte my uncle and make hin an engineer evrything. but my uncle just beacme an engineer in life and sat on the business mamanging it thats it. now growth no developing it further nothing. so techincally he hasnt done anything much in life.he expects my dad to take the burden of selling our village property as we live in the city now and with that money re furbish the house . again this is selfish. my aunt is too creatinf emotional drama by saying i mortagage my jewellery and give money but i want good rooms for me and my kids!!! and yes till date she is mortgaging it!! the money is nowhere in site to pay in advance to the architect.me and my brother have too grown up in modest surroundings. i fail to understand this demand and emotional torture to my mom always. every year they have been travelling to some far away place in india for recreation. my parents never asked where the money came from to them. me and my brother never even stepped out our city because our dad was always busy with office work and mom in housework and kitchen.i want to set this straight. enough of scarfices my parents made and made us make. this has lingrd on my brothers mind but i have decided to bury it in the past. how do i get my brother out of it? how do i make him successfull and have a sense of happiness and calmness in life to help my dad and move on in life and be smart instead of hampering your own self and parents.if you can advice me i would be obliged. thankyou
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Do you have any idea how ridiculously long this question is. As much as I'd love to help, to be honest I can't be bothered to read this.
Its clearly an outpouring of emotion, and when you initially wrote this, the rules stated to make it short.
Please name the question the same next time, and make it alot shorter. I DO want to help you with your family issues, but there are too many questions being asked.
Thanks, I look forward to answering a more condensed down version of this!
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