|
i cheated on my husband and now im pregnat
My husband lost his job five months ago and hasn't been looking for one. He stays home with our daughter while I'm at work. He dosent do anything around the house just sits on the internet. Anyways I got sick of him saying that's enough. I work full time to try and suport us. Because of this we haven't had sex in four months. Then this guy iv known for for years tells me I'm the most beautiful hard working girl he had ever seen. And I don't know what happened it just all fell apart from there, next thing I know we are at his house. I'm pregnant now i don't know what to do. Advice please
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
There is a lot here to discuss so lets start with you. From my point of view this guy took advantage of you during a period that you were most vulnerable. You don't say if this was a one time thing or an affair of sorts. In any case you are now pregnant.
Depending on your views you have some choices. You can have an abortion. You can have the baby and keep it or give it up for adoption. The biological father at this time has not say in what you do. Your health insurance at work may cover the abortion. If so at least that part of the worry is handled. If not Your friend should pay.
Having the baby is not your best option whether you keep it or give it up for adoption or not. This will cause an additional strain on your marriage.
I realize that at the moment your relationship with your husband at best is strained. What I also realize is you have not said you don't love your husband any more. So what ever happened between you and your friend for however long it lasted is still in my mind him taking advantage of you and the state you were in and are still in.
Only you know what will happen if you tell your husband you are pregnant and confess to him that the baby is not his. Given his present situation it may not be a marriage breaker as he needs your support to live. Is this how you want your marriage to continue.
If you abort this pregnancy you still have to wrestle with yourself over the affair. I really don't know how to advise you on this other than not to blame yourself to harshly.
As for your husband. I unfortunately may know exactly how he is feely. I abruptly lost my job when I was forced into retirement early because of an auto accident. One in which out of three cars involved I was the only innocent.
Being suddenly out of work even through no fault of my own it was devastating to suddenly not have a job to go to. For a male this is very depressing and I did suffer a bout of depression. Being without a job for 5 months it is very possible you husband is suffering from a bout of depression. If you have an EAP program I would suggest you use it to get him some therapy with a psychologist. This will help with the depression and his outlook for finding a job.
If you are thinking of aborting your pregnancy don't wait to long. By federal law you have 26 weeks. Some states have passed laws reducing it to 20 weeks. They will be deemed unconstitutional but they are in effect until a court issues an injunction.
]
Could be that hubby is depressed because of losing his job. For many guys, their self worth is wrapped up in their job. It looks like he needs some counseling but then money is tight. There are no easy answers to give on that. Regarding being pregnant, If you keep the baby he'll know it wasn't his.But that couldn't make things much worse. If he divorced you because of it, he wasn''t doing anything before....you might not notice much difference. Or you could go to planned parenthood and ask for lost cost abortions and go through that. All it takes away is the stress of being pregnant but doesnt change anything with the husband.
We all deserve to have a man who can stay strong and love us and take care of us even if he has lost his job. Mine is unemployed currently and we couldn't be happier. Our relationship has not suffered. Not everyone handles stress the same way. Did you marry for love? Do you still love him? Do what you can to see that he gets help if you still love him. Do the best you can but you need to keep yourself healthy and yours and daughters heads above water. Do you have extended family who can help? If the husband being dead-weight causes you more stress so you become depressed as he is and can't function, then it's not fair to the daughter to have 2 depressed parents.
Hard as it may be, the decision may come down to doing what is best for the daughter over helping the husband if it involves your mental and emotional health being threatened by your situation. You may need to seek a legal separation. Husband would have to find a sibling who would take him in or he may need to hit rock bottom and live in a shelter for homeless men. If he doesn't come to his senses, you continue your life without him in it. Because of your situation, you are going to be very suseptible to men who would like to entice you to have affairs.
Don't be too hard on yourself for that. Sex is one of the best stress reducers there is and not having any with husband in all that time is what brought your need to such a great point and your resistance down.
Word are cheap from the guy who says you are beautiful and hard working. Let him put his money where his mouth is and help you out however he can, maybe with an abortion. If you go this route, see Planned parenthood about some birth control cus honey, it's gonna be a long hard road for your husband no matter if you stay with him or not and there won't be sex from those quarters. You don't want to end up pregnant a 2nd time. These are things for you to think about. I wish I had a magic wand to wave and make things well for you. But theres no advice that could easily solve your situation. The decisions are really only yours to make. Don't let anyone shame you for what you decide to do. Just make the deci sions you feel are the best you can make and stick with it.
]
More Questions: |