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I feel like a complete outsider in my own relationship.
I have been dating this lady and I love her very much. But lately, I have been feeling like an outsider in my relationship. She has this friend who she will tell our problems too, but only a half truth of it. This friend doesn't want her with me, she is single and wants my gf to be single also. My gf also talked to her therapist about me and said something that was only half true. Her therapist without ever talking to me made an unfair assessment and diagnosis about me that isn't true. I feel very hurt, I do love her but I dont know what to do. I can't talk to her, she justifies what her friend is doing. I feel like a complete outsider in my own relationship. This friend also told her that she is going to purposely cause upset to the relationship, everytime she talks to this friend she comes at me all mad. Someone help please
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Thank God you're not Married!!!
If your ladyfriend is so easily influenced by her girlfriend is making her life decisions, her level of maturity may not match yours. And that does not work in a relationship because it takes both people putting in maximum effort to make a relationship successful. Some peoples bodys mature but they can go an entire lifetime without any growth in their level of mental maturity.
You did not mention any ages. So I will add this piece, the frontal part of the mind responsible for making good decisions doesnt finish developing until people reach their mid twenties!
Think about all the relationships and dating that young people are involved in before age 25. That explains lots why relationships dont last or have many issues at younger ages.
Unless you were married and it was a marriage counselor, the therapist is never going to see both people and can only go based on what a person is willing to tell and how they paint the picture. So advice from this quarter will never be the correct if the person giving info isnt being honest with themselves and the therapist. LIke computers, bad data in, bad data out.
Since it takes two to make a relationship, there will always be something on parts of both people that contribute to the problem. One person being willing to change and grow isn't enough. Thats where I was in first marriage. I was making all the changes and it was never good enough because he felt nothing was wrong with himself.
You have some hard decisions to make. At some point, she may realistically leave you totally. Or you can choose to leave now. Or hang in there and wait for the slow death of the relationship.
Both of you need to be willing to work things out together. Communication seems to be happening everywhere but with you two.
Sharing details of private problems with others outside the relationship as she does breaks down confidentiality and trust.
Without good communication and trust, the relationship can not live. It is in the stages of dying right now so if things are not quickly turned around by the two of you both choosing to work together on it, then it will die.
I have written a piece about the steps toward a committed lifetime relationship.
It starts with seeing someone you are attracted to, then conversing, then dating, then steady partnership to a committed relationship. Some people never progress. At any point it is okay to realize you are with the wrong person and choose to back out. The longest amount of time is spent at the last two levels. The first are short temporary parts of the progression, but some people get stuck there. I have nothing to tell you how to save the relationship because there is nothing you can do to change her, only change how you handle this. But i wish you the best. heres the piece i promised.
The Normal steps to a Relationship
Attraction: Whether just plain looks or a pheremone attraction. It doesn't mean that either one "Likes" the other yet so it is important to go beyond the staring at stage to conversation.
Conversation: Now you are talking and find that you like the persons sense of humor, how they think, their beliefs or way of living life...this is the teaser...either you decide you want to learn more in depth about the person or you decide you don't have enough interest from the conversation to want to learn any more. Someone not interested stops talking to the other and looks elsewhere. If both want to learn more about the other, you start dating.
Dating: Dating is not all about calendar appointments to go to a movie or out to dinner, or out dancing. It is a time to learn what you like and don't like about the opposite sex. Find out more about the person you have interest in which happens only if you start seeing each other regularly making it a conscious choice. If there are too many dislikes, start over again with someone new. Or take this to the next level. Usually a move to being a steady couple happens automatically without any conscious thought.
Steady relationship: This is meant to be a time where you have plenty of opportunity to spend in each others presence getting to see how they handle themselves 24/7 under all sorts of conditions, their good days, and bad days. Many choose to live together at this time. There isn't much that can be hidden when you live with someone, like their housekeeping habits, what their usual diet is, any mood swings, and by now there should be a good idea of what their normal sexual habits and needs are. You don't want to get matched up with someone who is the opposite libido level of yourself.
Committed relationship: Here there are vows and oaths made to each other, a professing of mutual love and devotion for each other and it goes beyond words to living it out daily in how one treats their partner. This person will be your life mate with a marriage license or without one.
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