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Sex.... Should I or Shouldn't I Give Him My Virginity For His Birthday?
16 Female
Both male and female answers.... but I mostly want a guys opinion on this! Thanks :)
I like this guy and he likes me. We are going out. He is 18 and I'm 16. He has already had sex. And I haven't. He wants to have sex, not right asap, but he doesn't want to have to wait so long for it. I understand what he means by it because I care about him and I don't want him to feel like he doesn't get pleasure in that way. He respects that I'm a virgin and doesn't pressure me into having sex, and that I'm nervous about having it. His birthday is in two months and I was thinking about giving in to him then. My one question is am I ready to have sex with him? Or do I just hold off on it. My other question is would his birthday be a good time to give him sex?
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You do sound pressured, maybe it's not by him, but you are definitely pressuring yourself.
In my opinion, you'll know when you're ready and I don't think you are. I think you want to have sex with him because like you said, he's not getting pleasure that way and it makes you think he needs it or really wants it because he doesn't want to wait so long for it.
This is a big deal, before you think about how he feels about it, think about yourself. This should be a decision for you to make without thinking that it's his birthday, he doesn't want to wait very long, he's not getting pleasure that way, ect. Don't let that be the reason why you're thinking about having sex.
So from all that, think about it some more and figure out how you feel about the situation.
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I think it's a bit cheesy to consider giving virginity as a "gift"
It isn't about gift giving, It's about when the time is right, How much you love and trust this person.
You stated he doesn't pressure you but he doesn't want to wait too long? That is pressure.
I think you should do what is right, but don't just loose it for the sake of his birthday. Lame
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The question isn't whether it's an appropriate thing to give as a gift, or what day, time or occasion is proper for your sexual debut but whether he is someone you really care deeply about, hopefully love, and want to share that love in one of the most special ways a couple can mutually share that with each other. Otherwise, it is nothing but satisfying a lusting for each other, taking care of a sexual urge, like scratching an itch. Scratching an itch isn't a bad thing. It can bring temporary relief.
So it boils down to you. Take the focus off the boyfriend and think about yourself. It's best if you were having sex for the right reasons. Read back over what you wrote to us. Maybe you put down a bad choice of words. Or maybe, your subconscious mind is telling what its really concerned about deep down that your conscious mind isn't acknowledging.
You said, "and I was thinking about giving in to him then" Giving in means you are resisting, that he can make it appear that he isn't pressuring you, or maybe he isn't, but your mind feels you are being pressured, maybe just by yourself (such as your conscious mind trying to pressure your subconscious mind into going along with this idea. ) It's a bad idea to be at odds with yourself. Do not fight yourself and don't ever give in and do something (not just sex) that you don't feel deep at core ready to do.
You also said, "Or do I just hold off on it."
Holding off on anything means that the timing isn't right. Perhaps deep inside you simply don't feel ready to have sex for the first time.
Lets say the only determining factor was whether both of you loved each other since I mentioned earlier sex as an expression of love. Sex can also just be a biological thing, taking care of a sexual need, urge. There are relationships where its called "Friends with benefits" but it is hard for an inexperienced young gal to not get her heart involved and possibly hurt or disappointed in her experience either right away or later.
You said, "I like this guy and he likes me." Like is a good enough status for 'friends with benefits'. So are you just wanting to experience sex for the first time, or are you wanting to experience a love relationship that shows that love through the giving of sexual pleasures mutually to each other? Nowhere did I see you state he loves you. He likes and like is a good start. But people just don't all have sex with every person we "like". There has to be a chemistry between them, an actual sexual desire for the other, wanting them sexually.
And finally, I share with you a short 3-4 min video on losing virginity done by a peer...she's 23 and one of the best on you tube. I suggest you get yourself educated because the schools aren't teaching this stuff. Its on the level, good stuff, entertaining. Please consider viewing the video and try to watch other of her 160 videos on all topics concerning dating, relationships and sex. It's up to the individual these days to educate themselves. thanks for writing in so I could share this all with you dear.
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