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What do I do on the days the flashbacks get a little too much to handle?
My ex and I broke up a few weeks back. There are times when I feel really happy but because he's in my class in school, I always hide my real feeling i.e sadness at times and missing him. The thing is, he's upset because of his family issues. Though I'm not sure about it, I feel as ifhe doesn't miss me. The times when Im happy are amazing, I'm just myself. But what do I do when I feel like I'm stuck somewhere where I can't go infront without my past blocking out my future completely? I don't want to go back and relive the last four months in my head; but when the memories start rushing back, what do I do? There is a limit to which I can shut myself out and distract myself with work, friends, etc. What do I do in the times I feel as if there is nothing left?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You can't completely block out the good moments you've had together, it will probably happen a lot since your break up was recent. It was only a few weeks ago the two of you broke up, you can't expect to be over it so fast, especially if you cared about him a lot.
So give yourself time, let yourself grieve, then get up and keep going. Easier said than done, but if you work on it, you can do it.
When you're feeling sad, let yourself feel it. Only for a few minutes, then go do something else.
Call up a friend or watch a movie, read a book, ect. Break ups are a good time to start doing new things. Try something you've always wanted to try.
Give yourself time and eventually it won't be so bad.
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Your subconscious mind is where all your feelings and emotions come from. So apparently your subconscious mind hasn't let go yet and besides, you still need more time to pass.
One thing to help you along is how you view the whole experience of dating and relationships. If you look at end of dating relationship as a failure of some sort, then you are always going to agonize over it. No matter if he wanted out, or you did, or both of you, it needs to be seen as part of a natural procession of selection...you date to discover what you do and don't like about someone to form a conscious idea of what you are looking for in a guy. You are not supposed to settle for less and go for life with the first guy who wants to date you for any length of time. Chemistry is important. A guy could be real sweet, wonderful, a real prince charming but if you feel no spark, it's the wrong guy. What you need to do is make lists of what you did like about the ex from those 4 months you were with him and what you did not like. What you dont like is Really Important and you need to learn to spot those things earlier on like at the conversation stage before you start dating. That way there will be less times of getting emotionally involved with someone who doesn't work out. Here's something I've written my views of the stages of relationships. That might help to keep in mind. The first three stages don't last long before progressing on or ending. My guess is that he left at stage 3, Dating while you wanted to go on to Steady relationship. Some women go all the way to the end with the wrong guy and end up married to someone wrong for them, who mistreats, a jerk, or totally mismatched in chemistry, sex, likes and hobbies and other personal tastes, and mismatched in beliefs and values. It boggles the mind why we do that, perhaps we feel we wont find someone better. Thats why I jumped at age 20 into marriage which was hell for 30 years. Once my daughters were graduated, I left. So glad I did. I had to learn the hard way but I feel I can at least offer some good advice to the younger females so they don't make the same mistakes I did. Here's my ditty on relationships.
The Normal steps to a Relationship
Attraction: Whether just plain looks or a pheremone attraction. It doesn't mean that either one "Likes" the other yet so it is important to go beyond the staring at stage to conversation.
Conversation: Now you are talking and find that you like the persons sense of humor, how they think, their beliefs or way of living life...this is the teaser...either you decide you want to learn more in depth about the person or you decide you don't have enough interest from the conversation to want to learn any more. Someone not interested stops talking to the other and looks elsewhere. If both want to learn more about the other, you start dating.
Dating: Dating is not all about calendar appointments to go to a movie or out to dinner, or out dancing. It is a time to learn what you like and don't like about the opposite sex. Find out more about the person you have interest in which happens only if you start seeing each other regularly making it a conscious choice. If there are too many dislikes, start over again with someone new. Or take this to the next level. Usually a move to being a steady couple happens automatically without any conscious thought.
Steady relationship: This is meant to be a time where you have plenty of opportunity to spend in each others presence getting to see how they handle themselves 24/7 under all sorts of conditions, their good days, and bad days. Many choose to live together at this time. There isn't much that can be hidden when you live with someone, like their housekeeping habits, what their usual diet is, any mood swings, and by now there should be a good idea of what their normal sexual habits and needs are. You don't want to get matched up with someone who is the opposite libido level of yourself.
Committed relationship: Here there are vows and oaths made to each other, a professing of mutual love and devotion for each other and it goes beyond words to living it out daily in how one treats their partner. This person will be your life mate with a marriage license or without one.
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