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How do I stop missing him?
Okay so I'm a 21 year old female and I was in a relationship with a man on and off for a couple years. At first, he was everything I could've imagined. He was the most gorgeous man I had ever seen, was funny, and always made me take risks. He was also constantly getting into trouble. My family hated him because he would always start fights with me for no reason and I was always on an emotional roller coaster. Then about 2 years ago (the last time we dated) he was introduced to crystal meth. He went from getting scholarships to play college football to a downward spiral of addiction. He was a completely different person.
I stayed for several months, always feeling guilty if I ever thought about leaving him. I tried to get him into rehab but ultimately, quitting wasn't important to him. Some days he would cry to me about wanting to quit, others he would make me fear for my life because of how high he was or because of the sketchy situations he would have me in.
I finally left him and cut off all contact- moved away, changed my number, everything. I DID NOT want to go back to him or have anything to do with him. I had smarted up and knew that there was nothing I could've done to "save" him and that to continue that relationship would only harm MY LIFE. To a certain extent, I believe that he loved me. In fact, I KNOW he loved me, but he had issues that were rooted in him since he was a child that basically made him incapable of giving the kind of love that people deserved.
He not only screwed ME over, but he was awful to his own family. He would say mean things to them and then later would tell me how awful he felt and how he just couldn't change. I stayed for so long because not only did I love the man, but I felt so bad for everything he had gone through and I saw him in his times where he truly wanted to be a better person.
Anyway, I haven't seen or spoken to him in over a year. I've even met someone new who makes me feel wonderful. Yet the past few nights, I've had dreams about him and I find myself missing him terribly. It's like I feel no more of the sting of the hate or anger I once felt, I only feel the warmness I felt when I was with him or how safe I felt in his arms. There's no way on earth we could ever reconcile and no chance of me calling him up in hopes that he's changed.. that being said, how do I stop missing him?
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I am glad to hear you woke up and did what was best for you. Cutting off contact and moving on was a decision made by your awake mind/your conscious mind while your subconscious mind( which is where all our emotions and feelings are based out of) is not on the same page.
So basically, your subconscious is acting like a totally separate person inside of you. Talk to yourself, if it helps, think of a separate name for your subconscious self and have a talk with her. I have a separate name for mine. It might feel silly at first but it works. Tell her that you are looking out for what is best for both of you and that you do agree that he had something about him that made you and her love him but realistically it could destroy both you and her if you stayed. Just because your conscious mind knows doesnt mean your subconscious mind knows yet. Let her know you need her help for a mental visualization of cutting off ties to him. See yourself handing her a pair of scissors and have her snipping the ribbon that ties him to you and you to him. Once that tie is visually broken in both your minds...it should be easier to let him go as far as the emotion response and dreams. It doesn't mean you won't have memories of times spent with him. those may come up but there wont be the tug on heart as before. Good luck dear!
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It's good that you are trying to move on, but it's obvious that you haven't completely moved on. You probably just haven't let yourself get there emotionally yet.
You have to accept that all those good times you had, are now memories. He was never a good match for you even though you loved him.
Keep yourself busy and enjoy the time you have with the new person you met. It will take time, but you just have to accept it. You'll most likely miss what he used to be, but he was never the right guy for you. As long as you realize that and you let yourself move on, you will.
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You are not coming to terms with the fact that he was a negative influence on you. Sounds like you moved on and that is great but sweetie you moved on physically not emotionally.
The way you move on is to come to terms with the situation. This was the past, 2 years ago. This man was a negative inpact on your life and his problems were dragging you down. Blunty, He became a deadbeat who needs professional help. You are with someone new, Someone who is good for you. Why think about sacrificing something good? You know as well as I do that 2 years later, The ex probably is still hooked on drugs. like anyone who has an addiction, They must help themselves.
Focus on what you have and be happy. Don't take 2 steps back
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