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Afraid to break up with my boyfriend
Hi. My boyfriend has a really hard life, and I'm the reason he's not given up and tries to stay strong. If he loses me, he'll lose everything and I'm pretty certain he will commit suicide. But I'm not happy in the relationship, and I need to break up with him, but I know that he will kill himself if I do. I know people might say it's his problem not mine or something like that, but I still love him and care about him deeply. If he kills himself because of me, I will never be able to live with myself. I'm really afraid. He's not threatening me, he's really nice, but he has an awful life, and I'm the only good thing in his life. He has no one else. I don't know what to do. Please help.
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I understand how you feel. Even though we don't know the reason why your not happy in the relationship, you shouldn't feel pressured to stay with him.
So you definitely shouldn't stay with him because you're afraid he'll commit suicide. You should talk to someone, maybe his parents (If they're still around) or go see a counselor who can direct you on a good way to handle this situation. They'll probably be of more help since they were trained for these things.
If he seriously will consider suicide, he also needs help. You can't depend on people to make you happy just because you have a hard life. It's nice to have people who make you happy around, but you can't depend on them. So I think he also needs professional help. So try to encourage him if he does bring this up to you.
As for the break up, obviously be kind. Don't be mean or point fingers at him. Just be straight and tell him that you just aren't happy. Hopefully he'll understand. If he begs you to stay with him, sit down and explain this to him. It just wouldn't be fair to either of you.
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I can relate to this because I was in a similar situation a few years ago. It would always irritate me when family or friends would tell me it wasn't my problem because I felt like, I love HIM, so his problems ARE my problems. I know it can also be hard to sacrifice your own personal happiness, no matter what the reason. That being said, people who would ACTUALLY kill themselves have a disorder within their brain that is causing them to feel that way. Even if you are the only good thing in his life, if he is in a place where he would literally take his own life, you are not going to be enough to stop him. It is not your fault that he is dependent on you. You have simply been the kind of person that he want/needs, and who can blame you for being a good person?
You have only 2 options:
1. Stay with him. And what does that solve? It reinforces the idea in his head that he HAS to have you, and that is not good for him. In addition, you are suffering as well. How long do you think you can keep him happy if you are not happy? He would feel quite hopeless if he thought he was causing you unhappiness and that situation could make things worse for both of you.
2. Break up with him. That could go better than you expect. If you sit him down and kindly explain to him that while you still care deeply about him, it is causing you to become unhappy. He should understand that. If he doesn't understand, that is not your fault.
I've wasted too much time taking care of other people, and I've learned to look out for myself first sometimes. It doesn't mean you're selfish. You have every reason to worry about his well-being and it may be hard, but can you really see things getting better if you stay with him? Good luck to you.
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Hi,
Feeling like you are responsible for your partner's life is an extremely difficult thing, but you have to remember that he is responsible for that, and not you. It is not fair for you to feel like the burden falls completely on you.
Your boyfriend sounds like he needs to contact a professional, especially if he is having suicidal thoughts. That is a serious thing that he needs to talk to a counsellor about - it is not a thing that just a partner, friend, or family member can support him through alone. Some people may feel like they can support their partner through this alone, but it looks to me like it is becoming too much for you, which is completely understandable. I think you should suggest to your partner that he should talk to someone.
I don't know why you want to break up, as you haven't said exactly, but you did say you are unhappy. Is it because he is possibly suicidal, and it is hard for you? Do you feel like the relationship is all about supporting him and you aren't getting anything from it? If this is so, you have to be honest with your partner in order to fix these feelings and get him to help himself by seeing a professional. I am going to give you advice to help you and your partner fix your relationship, rather than advice to break up, because you did say you still love him and care about him.
When you suggest he see someone, tell him it is not only for him, but for your relationship. Also, explain your feelings - your worry for him, the pressure you feel from being the only thing supporting him. It is important not to make this an attack (e.g. "You don't support me, it is not fair on me"). Instead, think more like "I feel like I can't support you enough, and I'm worried about you committing suicide if my support isn't good enough", "I am really worried that I won't be able to help you, it is a lot of pressure." Wording it with "I feel like..." instead of "You do this..." can help.
I really hope this advice is helpful, and I am sorry I can't advise you on how to break up with him. Good luck and I really hope everything works out well for you and your partner, whether that be working out well together or separately.
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