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I have quite a few sociopathic tendencies. How can I "fix" myself?
I fit so many of the symptoms of sociopathy. I lie. I feel nothing, pnly rarely to I feel a small bit of emotion, but only for myself, never for anyone else. I quickly get crushes, but then find the feelings have dissapeared, and I am only wanting to feel the emotions. I get angry, and frustrated, and want to hurt, seriously hurt, the person who made me angry. I don't think aboutt lying. I just do. I'm 13, and realized all this only recently. I've got no idea what I told myself regarding my lack of emotion, but I never questioned the way I was. I know what made me the way I was, and also know I was somewhat this way already. When a close family member died when I was quite young, I wasn't sad, even though I had loved him. I started displaying these traits at twelve. And, for the sake of uncharacteristic honesty in this question, I had sex for the first time at twelve, and got drunk for the first time shortly after that. What I enjoyed most was, I wasn't supposed to do either of those things. I loved that, the feeling of doing the forbidden, just the sensation of feeling anything at all. Music is the only thing that can make me feel emotions. Songs can, over and over, give me a small flicker of what I want most- happiness, sadness, everything. I want to know, how can I just not be the way I am? I don't like who I am, I want so badly not to be like this. But I just can't tell anyone, I just can't start feeling things, stop lying, stealing, manipulating. And. Why am I like this?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I had a husband with mental illness and a few friends too. It prompted me to read many books about the different kinds of mental illness and sociopaths and how to deal with it.
The symptoms of someone I knew could fit almost all of the illnesses. They seem to have so much in common. So my advice is to see a professional who has trained for this for years and knows the subtle differences, the causes and solutions.
I did ask a friend who was a counselor why it is so hard for me to identify which it is and he said it takes lots of years of training. So my advice, if it was hard for me to identify my husbands and friends exact illness it will be hard for anyone even you at 13 to self diagnose. I do believe from daughters who've had depression that there comes a lack of feeling for any thing. It could be a combo of things for you. in this case i would not recommend you read self help books because the more books I read as an adult in my 40's at the time, the more confused i became. My advice is to see an expert, because you could be suffering from a combo of things that make you seem to be sociopathic.
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