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Serena is scared, Giorgina is back.
The closest friend I ever had left to live in another country two years ago. In two weeks she plans on returning for a visit. It is now that I realized that I hated the people we were when she was here. Now I have different friends and I don't do the same things I used to. I'm afraid that when she comes back it will all come out. Everything I changed about myself will come back to haunt me. All the boys, drama, narcotics. I don't deny I did it but I don't want it all to spill out the way I am afraid it all might. How is it possible that we were such good friends and now the thought of seeing her petrifies me.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
She must be planning to see other people besides you. You won't know how strong you are unless you have to face the temptation and be able to resist it. Don't place yourself in harms way, meaning, see her on your own terms, your own turf. In fact, it wouldn't hurt to let her know this before she arrives. Let her know you are no longer the person you were when you hung out with her. There's nothing wrong with the choices you've made though she might not see it that way. If she ridicules you and trys to make you feel bad for not wanting to take some drugs and attend a wild party or two with her while she is back..just tell her she is not welcome to see you if she insults or harrasses you. Tell her you will see her at a restaurant or your own place where you can have control. Do not go to the home of a mutual old party friend of yours and hers for that puts you in an uncomfortable situation. You feel petrified because the inner child in you does not want to ever go back to that way of living and is terrified you will make a mistake and take you both back to that again. So promise yourself that you will not take any risks and make some plans ahead of time how you will respond to her. You should find your anxiety level go down some. Since you have new friends, perhaps you could invite them along for moral support. It might be better that way. If they dont know your past, tell them now and ask if they could hang out with you at your place or out to dinner to meet Giorgina. Once Giorgina sees for herself that you and your new friends aren't anything like she is, unless she too has changed, then she will cut her get together with you short and leave of her own accord to look up the buddies who will go party on the wild side with her. Just stick to what you believe in now, act yourself. Just the wonder and the what ifs that we think about before we are facing what we fear, is never as bad as our minds think. Our minds usually are really good at dreaming up the worst case scenerio real easy and not good at letting go of negative destructive thinking. I believe that you are strong and the battle is more in your mind. tell yourself out loud each day what strengths you have now, relay all the good things you are proud of in yourself. You can do it girl. But get your new friends to help support you.
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