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Ive come to the conclussion that the time has come to end my life
Do people feel anything for the pain felt every day the this life torments my very existence.the logical decision is to simply end it all and move on from the constant haunting trying to simply live amongst the so called human world.BUT.....regardless of how much I do or how good I constantly try to be choosing love first instead of hate always I am kicked and battered by peoples assumptions of less factual evidence and yet is seen as truth when all I try to do is survive .For far too long I have been living on the streets and more so than often have not eaten anything of substance and attempting with little or no success to look clean unfortunately I smell so badly that no deodorant can disguise the sheer stench that two weeks without a shower would give .Because its winter in cape town Im freezing with no warm clothes nor shelter not to mention the people are too accustomed to being unreceptive and dont give the slightest shit to whether I live or die for Ive become invisible somehow all but the smell that hinders any close contact so I'm even more invisible than I really am Although I'm sure every shop, restaurant establishment has a copy of my reseme no calls because the mobile phone with the only way to reach me was mugged of me along with all the worldly possessions I owned so pretty much Im FUCKED who can blame me for opting for death seems everyone else would be singing praises upon the ending of the once great Ian tushade Zacharia .Its not like Im doing nothing to try get out of this rut but truth be told would you employ one in the condition Ive just discibed so what do i DO ,GO TO A CHURCH ,I was told that the church doesnt help people considering all I did ask for was food,Then the next church I went to told me to return the following week and they would help me with some food .Lets look at that for a second ,A week must go by and only then Im sure Id be hungry enough to chow down even the most detesting of meal so there I was wait eagerly for this much anticipated meal which consisted of ONE TIN OF BAKED BEANS that should last till the next month until the next food hand out ........WOOOO WOOOO ,I guess it must be really good baked beans.....must be.Then there was the chart topper the best of the absolutely best ,I met some random guy that after one of my "brutally honest conversations offered me a job in a marketing position." The storm is over "eeeeerrrr.Not ,after table tennis phone calls after I was lent a phone to help sort myself out of which after two days all of a sudden she wanted it back so she could pawn her own phone so she could stoke her gamble bug ,That nasty bastard of a bug that it is ,Anyway the job no-longer exists due to some crap about not having things ready or some shit so ,Hope then no hope .....amusing to some to fuck with ones need.So there we are not a pot to piss in not a crumb to suck on or an identity to call my own so whats the fucking point its clear that some cosmic force wants my evolution to continue so who am I to stand in its way ,Its to logical thing to do.shit I should be happy that Ive made it this far ,Further than most Id assume so why should I be one of greed.Fuck it ........Question ....WHAT WOULD YOU DO?????
BARE IN MIND IVE TRIED ALL POSSIBLE ROUTES FAMILY FRIENDS STRANGERS.AND NOTHING .....NOTHING IT IS AND NOTHING IT SHALL BE ANDDONT BRING THE GOD SHIT THAT WILL ONLY PISS ME THE FUCK OFF
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
What would ending your life do? Would it make your life happier? Would it make everything better? No, not matter what you gotta power through, it will all get better... You may not know me or believe me... But I promise it will get better... And I never break my promises.
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