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Opiate ABUSE
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of two years after a struggle of about 1 year and 6 months for our relationship to get better.
Let me explain, when we met he was happy, cheerful, kind, generous and had many friends that loved him. He treated me well and we had an amazing time together. About 6 months into our relationship he injured his back and had sciatic chronic pain from him. Since then he completely changed, he became extremely selfish, mean, didn't want to do anything anymore, and alienated all of his friends. We fought all the time and finally he said it was because he was depressed. I helped him see a psychologist and get help and he seemed to be getting better then went back to being nasty. I finally couldn't take his negativity and hate for everything anymore and broke up with him. it just felt like he didn't care/wasn't going to change.
A week later he came back to me crying and with some intense emotions about how he couldn't stay away because he loves me so much. And he tells me he had been taking painkillers for his back originally but when the pain went away he didn't stop and was addicted to them for two years. He says he believes this is why he has been such an a**hole to me it controlled his life and made him not want to do anything, get mad at everything and treat me as bad as he did. He says he is done with them and quit completely and took a week to go through the withdrawals and will never take them again and he wants to prove to me how this past year has not been him and he's really not like that.
My dilemma is whether I should forgive him or believe him. Does opiate abuse turn people into jerks, makes them mean or have anger issues, and makes them depressed, pushing everyone away? Does anyone have experience with this that can give me some advice on wether it's smart to take him back. And also is it possible for someone to stop addictive behavior? Even if he stops for now won't he start up again?
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
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Let me say I know somewhat where your boyfriend was or is with chronic pain. I was disabled in a car accident and suffer from chronic pain.
I am treated as an out patient at a local rehabilitation hospitals Pain Management Center. As part of my pain management I take a regiment of non-narcotic drugs daily to help with the pain. I have narcotic pain pills to use as what is called break through medication for those times when the pain gets to a point I can't bear it. This happens on occasion and I use them only to break the cycle of pain. I have other things such as a TEMS Unit and creams that will also help break that occasional pain boost.
The pain center also has other procedures they do to place medication at the site of my pain. This helps reduce the pain by reducing the inflammation.
Then there is the cycle of pain, this is what causes depression. I spent a long time in talk therapy learning about this and how to deal with it. Talk therapy is part of the pain management program. Pain causes depression, depression causes more pain. You need to control the pain in order to control the depression. The pain causes stress which is the primary cause of depression, clinical depression, which causes pain.
My injury is to the SI Joint which is very much like the pain your boyfriend is in. I will spend the rest of my life with the pain management center to control my pain. This is just a fact of life for me and I would say for your boy friend. The difference between us is my injury is skeletal where his is nerve. Nerves heal eventually mine won't.
My suggestion is that you ask your boyfriend to seek the help of a good Pain Management Clinic. He can ask his family doctor to recommend the best one in the area. Pain Management doctors are Anesthesiologists; they know about pain and how to treat it. He also needs to get back into therapy to learn how to spot the triggers that cause depression and how to deal with them.
When I was first injured I had a very bad depressive episode mainly because of dealing with being permanently disabled. I got better and he can too, with the proper help as I have suggested.
If he will do this I see no reason why you shouldn't get back together. If he won't then yes he can relapse or let me say there is a better chance he will relapse.
I hope telling my story not only helps you but helps him as well.
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First question: Yes it is possible for pain and painkiller meds to totally change a person. My husband has a childhood friend who updates him about her life. She is the caretaker of her husband who was injured and would never be normal again and he developed a debilitating disease on top of that, He went from a sweet loving person to verbally abusive, depressed cranky a totally different person and will be like that til the day he dies.
Of course forgive him for how he treated you. Forgiveness is a good thing to practice. But forgiving does not necessarily mean you automatically let him back in your life.
He may truly be in love with you and if not really off the meds willing to say anything to get him back. He will have to be willing to do what ever it takes to build "trust" with you again. It may mean going to his doctor and him willingly being tested for any drugs in his body. Although some people can kick such addictions on their own, it's very hard to do. If it was easy..all smokers who wanted to quit would have been able to do so on their own by sheer willpower and avoidance of their addictive substance. More people with serious addictions end up going through a treatment center program. I would trust that much quicker than someone having kicked it on their own.
If he doesnt have any more pain and there is no likelihood of it reccuring again, then there should be no desire in him to want to get back to taking pain meds. Hopefully you both can put this behind you and move on to a healthy life together
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