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I think I'm in love with my best friend, please help me
I'm a boy ,16, she's 17 and a grade higher.
I've known her since 2010, and we had a lot of things in common (like a love of manga and anime), and I knew immediately that I wanted to be her friend. Around the end of 2010, I started having feelings for her (NOT sexual), and they've steadily gotten stronger. We eat (during the school year) together at lunch, but don't get to hang out outside of school or school activities.
Even though we don't get to spend much time together, I treasure each moment, and try to make time. I can't get her out of my head, it's a bit scary. I dream about her, sometimes, and I've stayed up all night tonight (it's daylight now) thinking about her, trying to decide what to do. I don't want to lose her friendship, but these feelings inside me are just ripping me apart, I can hardly stand it. I only have 5 friends, and none of them are very close to me, aside from her. She is my best friend, and I love her. I don't think she feels the same way, though, and if I were to confess my love to her, I believe I would be turned down. I don't want to lose her as a friend, but things would be too awkward after that for things to be normal, especially if she knew exactly just how I felt. It's not that she wouldn't want to be my friend, still, it's just that it'd be too weird for things to just go back to normal. On the last day of school, I told her I'd like to keep in touch over the summer, we exchanged phone numbers. I haven't called her yet, and wouldn't know what to say if I did. Remember, I really don't think she feels this way about me, and yes, while I know that I may look back and say "I wish I would have...", I also don't want to regret what I say.
Please help me. I'm starting to freak myself out a little bit with this multitude of feelings for her. Back in 2010 I asked her if she wanted to go do something sometime, but she told me she couldn't because of her siblings (and she does have lots of younger siblings) needing to be watched after school, and I believe her, though there's the chance that she just turned me down. I've heard her say, before, that she wants to wait until all of her schooling is done before she bothers with relationships, though I don't know if she meant it or not. I wish I could read minds, it would save me so much trouble.
Just please help me out, I don't know what I should do about this, and please try not to tell me something that will end up in pain. I'm sorry for all the reading I put you through for this.
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Since she has expressed wishes to wait for any dating relationship until she is out of school it is best to honor her wishes, no matter how strong you feel about her. It is not a cop out. I left it up to my daughters to date in high school or not but told them to pay close attention to how the girls who were in and out of relationships were doing on their grades. They noticed the grades werent as good for girls into heavy dating because their focus was elsewhere so none of the 3 of them ever chose to date in high school. Looks like your best friend has chosen the same thing. Since shes a year older, Let her know how you feel after she has graduated and see if she will date you then.
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