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Is it ok if...
So im 13/m and i am addicted to masturbating... i also watch porn but i have a gf. So is it ok if i watch porn? Am i a perv or cheating in a way?
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Masturbating is fine and porn is really no one's business but yours. Some women don't see it that way. I've never dated one, but they definitely exist out there.
If your girlfriend has a problem with it, dump her. You're 13, the relationship had a very short half life no matter what you did, and women may come and go but your hand will never leave you.
A few warnings.
- Too much masturbating basically ups the stimulus you need to maintain arousal. It's a biological function of your nerves, basically they can become desensitized to repeated intense physical stimuli if subjected to it over a long period of time.
Not a big problem. Lay off for a few weeks to a month and it'll be like nothing happened.
- Porn addiction is in fact a thing. It's real, and it involves brain chemistry. Porn offers a nearly endless supply of new and intensely stimulating material. The same way you can physically get used to being stimulated, it works that way mentally too. You get used to the variety or you start venturing into more explicit territory and you set up a feedback loop where your brain is used to those specific kinds of stimulation and other kinds have less of an effect on it.
It's being studied right now and people are publishing about it, but there's a somewhat growing movement of guys quitting internet porn because it can impact sexual performance and response.
Keep in mind this second part is directly tied to internet porn, not masturbating in general. The mental part comes from having that endless variety of watchable material.
The part about this that makes you care is that enough of either the physical or the mental and you could find yourself having trouble getting or maintaining an erection except specifically when masturbating to internet porn.
You know, like when you eventually want to have sex with a girl.
Again, the good news is that it's not permanent. The mental bit takes longer, but from the things reported by those who have issues in this area it's pretty standard that guys will quit watching porn and masturbate less (down from many times daily to a few times a week) and be pretty much completely back to normal within about 2-3 months.
Keep an eye on your habits, but also remember you're 13. Puberty hits you pretty hard over the head with sex drive. In time it tapers off a bit and you get used to managing it.
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Masturbating is fine because you're going through puberty. It's a normal thing.
But the porn thing depends on how your girlfriend sees it. When you bring porn into a relationship, it can destroy it because their partner doesn't see things the same way they do. Some people think porn is cheating, some don't. Some people think it's ok and it's healthy for a relationship, some don't.
So really, you'd have to discuss that with your girlfriend and see if she's ok with you watching porn.
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Relax your normal. For the record I am old enough to be your grandfather and I probably have more liberal views on the subject of sex than your parents or you would not be writing to us.
Masturbation is normal for someone your age as long as it is not an all encompassing subject. By that I mean you do nothing else but go to school then come home and masturbate.
It is even normal for someone your age in the early stages of puberty to masturbate 3 or 4 times a day. Masturbation is a safe way to relieve the sexual tension brought on by puberty. Also you learn about your bodies sexual needs and desires through masturbation and fantasizing.
According to a survey done a year or so ago 85% of us masturbate. That means that the majority of us, which would include your parents masturbate. When it comes to married adults masturbation is usually done as part of foreplay for intercourse and is called mutual masturbation. This is where one partner masturbates the other. The male fingers the feel male and the female strokes the male. I know this may be TMI though as I said at first my view are quite liberal and I want you to know you are normal and not some weird 13 year old.
Do your parents know you masturbate? I would think mom has seen the evidence when doing the laundry. If this was something abnormal you would have heard from her or dad by now. It is far better at your age to masturbate then to try and force some young girl to do something she is not ready for. By taking care of your own needs this way you will gain the respect of a young lady much faster and when she is ready you will be the one she will chose to go to that next level with.
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