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Depression and Mom
My mom doesn't get it. All she does it put me down calling me ungrateful, stupid, and sometimes tell me to shut up. I wish she were a little more understanding. I've been to so many school counselors for advice and they just referred me to family counseling- in which now I have a case worker but I feel like there's no progress. My case worker then referred me and my mom to a psychologist.
When I got my report card a few months back, my mom flipped when I failed one class and saw that I was late or didn't even go to school. I was scared for the new quarter to come in the mail since I was still going to school late but I was failing three. I mentioned this worry to my psychologist on Saturday and she helped me break it down to my mom. In that same session, I was referred to a psychiatrist so that I can recieve an antidepressant.That same day she recieved the grades in our mail box but didnt say anything whatsoever. Sometimes she doesnt say a word, but other times she has too much to say/yell to me about. I wish she understood me. I was a 93 average student yet now I am a barely passing sophomore, failing 3 classes this marking period. Its like every time I push myself out there and try to get motivated, I feel like I fail more and more. When I miss school, it's so I can catch up but every time I enter school, Im even more behind due to absences. I was a motivated bright girl with a good future ahead of me. It were as if my depression took over my entire life and is controling as if I were a puppet controlled by strings. I miss the old me. I want to be good again, having healthy emotions but my world doesn't have a sun anymore, for its a cave of darkness closing in on me.
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Having suffered from depression myself one thing you said stood out for me; "It were as if my depression took over my entire life and is controlling as if I were a puppet controlled by strings. I miss the old me." This is exactly what depression is and does to a person.
I can also attest to the fact that there is light at the end of the tunnel. The medications the psychiatrist prescribes will help along with continued talk therapy both singularly with your psychologist and jointly with you mom there.
Typically the medications prescribed are a form of hormone replacement for the majority of clinical depression is caused by the lack of one or two hormones secreted into the brain which help control moods. This plus stress are the major factor in depression. It will take the medication about two weeks to build up in your system and you may have to increase the dosage slowly as well. Once you reach the clinical dosage, or better yet, as you build to the clinical dosage building in you. You should start to feel better and see things differently.
Right now everything you see is clouded or distorted by the depression., Meaning you are not thinking clearly and this causes you to feel bad and deepens your depression. You can even feel real pain from this.
What is important is to be compliant with your medications. Take them as directed and to be truthful with the psychiatrist as to how they are helping or not helping. I had my medications changed twice before they really kicked in. Each helped a little but the third medication was like someone opened a window.
Next your psychologist is your new best friend. You can tell him or her, when in individual counseling, anything and everything you need to, want to or is bothering you. Confident that what you say in therapy stays in therapy. Nothing gets back to mom or dad or anyone else. That is by law.
When you are in joint therapy the counselor will help you or lead you into discussions with your mother on those things you would have agreed to in individual therapy. This is done to protect you from your mothers anger or whatever backlash she might come up with.
It takes time, it doesn't happen over night. You didn't become depressed over night either. Commit to the help that is being given to you work with the doctors and as I said in the beginning; there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will return to the world you want to be in.
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My heart breaks when I read this. Every relationship in our lives has to be worked at, given time and understanding.
I am not sure what is causing your mum to belittle you, though I am thinking...things might not be as straight forward as you think and your probably not the only one struggling in day to day life. Do you know if she is struggling financially. I am not making excuses for her, she shouldn't put you down. But how can you heal if you don't understand one another?
You don't mention how or when your depression became evident. You don't mention your dad at all. What changed to take you from bright and bubbly, to this half shade girl struggling to find light?
Depression is a sickness, it's like trying to move forward but hands pulling you further and further away from the light. You need to face the root of your depression, before you can step forward.
I want to help but I feel like I am looking at half a picture, the answers are in the background behind you in your past.
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at some point something changed for your mom in her life...something very devastating to cause her to feel she has to dump on you. At one time she didnt treat you this way or you would have been affected all along in school.
From how you tell your story and express yourself, I get the feeling you are very intelligent and that you are not the problem unless
you have begun hanging with the bad kids
got into taking drugs
or too distracted by the ups and downs of datiing relationships.
No person can function well under that kind of stress, verbal abuse and lack of unconditional love.
Your depression is not because of you but because of how you've been treated. Once the bad treatment your receiving stops your depression will stop and there are ways to naturally get your brain producing the serotonin its low on when depressed. So I am guessing you dont need to be on meds for the rest of your life.
Where is dad in all this? Do you have one or not?
Do any other relatives know of the situation?
Do you have siblings and if so how are they treated. I can realy only guess. If you wish to explain more I could try to discern more of what is happening. The professionals can't help moore because they are taught only treat one aspect of a human not all. A good healer looks at the physical, the spiritual, mental and emotional to see how to treat the whole. And besides that, they seem to be focusing only on you, not the whole family unit. If there is a rotten apple in the bushel, it will eventually affect the other apples.
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