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My family is torturing me.
Hey there. I hail from a middle class family in Bihar, India. (A developing state.)
Male, just turned 18
first of all I would like to make you aware of the background of the problem. Here in India, every february-june there is a lot of activity going on concerning education. Admissions in engineering colleges is the major influencer. I have opted for the entrance exams of several institutions - some of them are over and some are due. They'd end by june beginning. For the last 4-5 months, my parents have tortured me. I had been studying continuously for hours and then if i try to relax for a little while by watching tv or using my mobile or by watering the garden, they make hell out of it. Their scoldings are like : " why are you cheating us ? Why aren't you studying ? Why are you laughing ? Don't you have to study ? Why are you listening to songs, you cheater ? You would not get good marks. You would not get good rank. They have discouraged me by saying, " I guess you have made up your mind to try for these colleges next year. " Gosh ! I have just taken a break. Why don't you understand ? For the last 2 years, i was tortured by my girlfriend whom i eventually left ! Those 2 years were spoiled because of her. I was not allowed to do anything other than talking to her. It was like prison. Not allowed to watch tv, not allowed to sleep at night, no listening songs, no spending time with family, no facebooking. Nothing of my wish. After leaving her, my family has started the drama. I left her some 3 months ago. My family is torturing me. Most of the time, i have tried to ignore them. Tried to smile. But it's too much. Every now and then, they are killing me. They never supported me. What should I do?
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All I know about Indian culture and life is what I see in movies which I know can;t be counted on...and one Indian adult male facebook friend I made. Because he was married and they acted as strangers under the same roof, he had a need to talk to a woman just regular everyday stuff but because of culture, couldn't interact even just conversation with women in India. There is no such thing as divorce he said, it would bring shame. He was well educated and a successful businessman but still felt unfullfilled because of home life.
He said there are the poor parts of India and there is the more affluent part. Perhaps your parents push so hard because they want you to end up no where near the middle where you could end up going either way like ending up poor with no future job wise. They do it because they love you and because thats what people have to do to survive comfortably these days. However, it takes a toll on the body and in the end, after all the striving and accomplishing the goal family had for you, you could end up feeling hollow and empty as my friend did.
Your parents use the word cheating which may mean something different to you in India than it does to me. I will guess that possibly they are counting on you to go through college and end up in a top level successful job and be able to take care of them in their old age. Your not applying yourself to the standards in their minds makes them feel like they are being cheated of the dream in their minds of what their old age will be like. I know you love your parents and would likely do all you can to help them in future years, but you cannot allow others to live their lives through you, expecting you to do things exactly as they would do if they had a chance to do it all again. I'd say it best to have a heart to heart talk with them. In the end, even with the talk, you will have to pace yourself. The human body is made to function best when we have some down time, time to laugh and enjoy life, time to meditate and draw in healing pranic energy, your culture teaches much to us westerners about health. Total health considering the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects is important. If you overlook that you easily risk having a physical breakdown...major illness, mental breakdown, and depression. Have that talk. If you like at home and nothing can be compromised there...perhaps there is relatives you could live with while going to school, or parents of friends if you can help add a little money for your room and board. Thats worst case scenerio and hopefully you wont need that.
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Hi there, I understand your dilemma. I'm well aware of how Indian parents can be because I am of Indian descent and I've heard lots of stories of how some parents can be. I know it's hard to think about ignoring them but at the end of the day, its your head, your grades, your well being. You should tell your parents how you feel. Ask them if they were your situation, how would they feel constantly studying all the time? Communication is key with your situation and I am sure you are smart enough to voice your opinion.
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