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I'm a girl dating a guy for over 2 years-HELP!
So I've been dating this guy for quite a while now, and I find myself often wondering if I'm wasting my time or not. A few things that might help: I cheated on my last boyfriend (who was my first that I got soon after I turned 18 & that lasted 3 months on & off) with the guy I'm with now. Everything went great once we started dating, even though he was maybe even more awkward than me. After about two weeks or so of dating he asked me out, and about 2-3 weeks in I took his virginity. He told me he loved me first, on our 2 month, and that freaked me out since I had never been in love. I eventually fell in love with him, but a dent was put in our relationship when he called me his close girl friends name(not during anything romantic/sexual, but still, and I found out he lied & said he went to coffee with his guy friend, but really went with him. I can be pretty jealous(as can he, but he isn't as jealous anymore-which I kinda miss), but I really wouldn't have minded them hanging out if he just told me, but since he lied about it made me wonder why. I've found kinda flirty texts/messages between them where they would talk about his & my relationship-really intimate details. If I ever bring her up he goes crazy though, & says he hasn't talked to her in so long, but I don't get why he's so angry that I could even suggest it. I've caught him lying quite a few times, and I don't think he'd tell me a hard truth unless I forced him to/found proof. My hands aren't exactly clean either, but he's so cold/emotionless about it, and unlike how I used to be; since I fell in love I've been extremely emotional, and he gets amused when I cry because I do for ridiculous reasons. We're so opposite, but we have so many good times & I love him & his family so much (mine is unstable) & he's my first love that I want to be my last, but I'm not sure what to do.
Help please?
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You both have your faults but you want to make it work.
The first person who said to back out just because he lied, then that person will end up divorced in a second.
Everybody lies, but he shouldn't have and when he did, he should have told you the truth. He shouldn't have been texting her either.
Now that's all the should haves. You can't change it, it's now in the past.
You guys need to move forward and he needs to start trying again.
You have to sit down with him, no distractions. Don't do it during a tense time, do it during a good happy time. Tell him that you need to tell him how you feel because you want this relationship to work.
Don't start accusing him of everything he is doing wrong. Don't fight or argue with him. Tell him that you want to start being truthful in this relationship, no lies and you want to be able to trust each other. Tell him that you aren't ok with him texting his friend about your relationship, but you're willing to put that in the past if he agrees to move forward.
Also, let him speak. Let him tell you what bothers him about the things you do. Don't try to defend yourself, just listen and do your best to change those things.
Anyways, just talk to him, don't point fingers and talk calmly.
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This is one of those questions we see that is not easy to answer.
The first thing I see in what you have written is a relationship that does not have a good foundation. It is also a first type of love for both of you. For you as you say it is your first true love. For him it is his first love that has a full sexual relationship.
Both of these things can have different meanings for each of you. Now that he has experienced sex he may see that he has missed something that you and others have experienced. This is a guess on my part. Though given the fact that you have found him flirting with an ex I would think it a fairly good guess. You on the other hand think he is someone you can build a life with.
Right now your goals could very well be diametrically apposed. Not a good way to continue your present relationship or to look to build a life partnership on. As a former sale-manger of mine would say; you're trying to build a foundation on quicksand.
I can't and won't tell you to break it off with him as I do not know you or him well enough to make that recommendation. What I can and will tell you is this.
If you want to move forward you two need to sit down and talk to each other. A cards on the table type conversation. In any relationship communication is a must. If your looking to to build a life partnership with him then communication between you is a must. Sex will only get you so far. One morning you wake up and find you need to talk to each other and this is when you find you have nothing in common or that goals in life are different.
Right now you two are dating; you haven't said you are living together. Dating can mean an exclusive relationship or it doesn't have to be. So this is where you start.
Does he believe you are in an exclusive relationship? Does he want an exclusive relationship? Based on his answers you will know what to do. It is obvious you believe you two are exclusive so the answer to those two questions have to be answered first. Then you need to find out just how compatible you two are.
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Someone who lies? Yeah forget it. I'd end it in an instant.
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