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Should I tell my school counselor about my friend?
15/F
I guess it's not very uncommon for a high schooler, but my friend seems to have big communication, self-esteem, and hypersensitivity issues. She can't handle any sort of conflict, preferring to let relationships go before confronting anyone. She's unable to face any sort of criticism or serious conversation without complete withdrawal or a breakdown. She refuses to believe in any compliment and hardly initiates contact in any of her friendship, but gets upset if her friends seem closer to each other than her. I first realized that she may have problems when during an 8th grade sleepover, we drew on her face when she fell asleep and she got angry because she felt ganged up on. She didn't tell us any of this, but instead acted perfectly fine. She barely spoke to us for a few days (which is normal for her), and we started getting angry. Later on, when everything was okay, I made a reference to the sleepover without much thought, when she started crying and admitted that she cut herself during that time because she knew we were upset with her. According to her other friends, she has cut before, especially during arguments with her family. Her parents have not been able to give her much attention, due to their jobs and the fact that she has two older siblings. She seems to take care of herself most of the times, making most meals for herself and hanging out until late. Although that may be normal, that seems slightly strange to me and my friends (or it could be that we're overprotected..). My friend always says stuff about her siblings having been the ones to raise her and them being the only ones who care if she comes home too late or something. My friend's mom and my mom have separately told us that the friend seems to have some sort of emotional problem due to a lack of affection/attention. Seriously, it's difficult to try and talk to her without her starting to sob. She seems to lack a lot of coping skills. I don't know if this relates, but she has been bullied? (I don't know the seriousness, but I don't think it was that bad) for a year in a different school and molested (she didn't reveal too many details, from what I gather it was a one-time thing and not really serious touching or anything) by a older guy when she was much younger. She doesn't speak of any of this as a big deal, though. It's been around a year since I last heard she cut, but I don't see a reason for her to have stopped. She's leaving to homestay in another country with a stranger in May and I'm worried that with the intensified loneliness and probable conflicts (because she's switching from a strict private school to a public school, where I know people are going to be meaner and blunter) she isn't going to fit in and she might try something drastic. I might be biased because I heard to many boarding school and homestay horror stories because my dad was a therapist for suicidal boarding school kids. Three separate friends have discussed with me about telling an adult throughout the course of my 7-year friendship with this girl. I'm convinced that even if she doesn't do anything drastic, she's going to lead a very difficult life in the future. I want to know that before she leaves, I did all I could to help just in case something DOES happen. However, I don't know if it's my business. I don't even what I would say, since I'm not even sure if she cuts anymore. Should I tell the school counselor? How much should I reveal? I think she may have some sort of emotional disorder...Also, what if she turns on me and spreads rumors or my secrets? Help! A friend and I are planning on talking to the counselor tomorrow.
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Well first off you sound like an amazing friend to have, she's very lucky to have you. Anyway I think you should first talk to her, have a real serious conversation with her asking her if shes okay, that you want her to be okay and that you want to listen to her problems and just have her open up to you and feel like she can talk to someeone and just talk about it. Be like I know you have problems and I'm very concerned about you and I just want to help you before you go, I want you to be happy and feel good about yourself. And ask and let her tell you about all her feelings and everything and just be there to listen and then suggest she go to a therapist. I wouldnt use the school councelor, I tried that once and ugh they were just not helpful at all. Unless yours is like a real professional, and doesnt make you feel all awkward and says stupid crap then yeah sure. But I don't really trust schools so maybe just a real therapist seperate from school. & offer to go with her and if she cries or gets angry with you for suggesting such a thing, just be calm. Be gentle and tell her its okay and that you just want to help her and that seeing a therapist could be good for her. She'd get to express her emotions and be helped and learn how to handle things better. Maybe even suggest you'll go to therapy too so that she doesnt feel alone or like that its a horrible, weird thing to do but that youd be willing to do it too and that its okay. And when she moves, make sure she knows and has a way to be able to contact you or her therapist whenever she needs you guys so that she wont be completely alone or feel lonely. I hope this helped and I hope your friend gets better! If you have any other questions, feel free to inbox me:) good luck!
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Very long question here. Once, I went to my school counsellor, and it turned out my problems were more because I was worried about my friend.
All the counsellor can tell you is to encourage your friend to see her. The thing is, even if you describe what you just did on here, unless its a crisis situation, you can't make some one see a counsellor.
all the counsellor will do is tell you that its all private, and perhaps to tell you to see her.
I think therefore its pointless to see her, and its best to skip this step and encourage your friend to go directly.
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