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I Don't Like My Own Sister

Question Posted Thursday April 4 2013, 1:34 am

Don't get me wrong, I love my sister, but most of the time I don't like her and can't respect her. I could talk all night about every problem I have with her, but basically, I'm tired of her being mean to my mom. We have the best mom we could have, but my sister treats her like dirt. She talks down to her, treats her like a child, lies to her and calls her a liar, screws her out of money, and blows off mother's day and other important days because her idiot friends keep scheduling their bridal showers for those days. She makes me put up with things she'd never put up with. For example,she's downright mean when she's hungry but doesn't care when anyone else is. I have diabetes and can't stand low blood sugar, but I had to last week when she was home for a visit and drug me around shopping when we were supposed to be eating and she just laughed about it. She's insensitive to my mom about her diet when she doesn't treat her body any better. She drinks like a sailor and last week, she had like eight drinks in one day. I'm sick of her doing mean things to my mom or starting fights with her and then running to my dad crying saying that my mom was the one who was mean. Then little while ago, she made my mom cry. I hate it when my mom cries and I am not going to act in front of my sister like it's all okay. What kills me is that she's always the victim in her mind and that's the way my dad (who's always taking her side) will see it too. What should I say to her?

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adviceman49 answered Thursday April 4 2013, 10:30 am:
I've seen problems such as these sent to us before. To be honest I do not think there is much of anything you can say to your sister that will change anything.

From what you have written I see your sister as a self-centered spoiled girl who blames others for her short comings. You write; “when she comes home,” I’ll take this to mean she is away at school. If I am correct she is in for a rude awakening when she enters the job market. Regardless of how good she may be at her chosen field if she acts this way at her work she will find herself being asked to leave their employ for employers will not put up with prima donnas or spoiled brats.

The best advice I can offer you is to continue to be there for your mom; to learn how to stand up for yourself with your sister. Especially when it comes to your health; being diabetic means you must be on a regimented diet routine and you know this. Your sister should know this too. You passing out in the middle of a shopping mall is not the way to teach her this lesson.

You wrote a good letter; one that tells me you know the right thing to do, which is to stand up to your sister when needed. To tell her where to get off when needed and to talk to your dad and open his eyes a bit about his first born daughter. Doing this all at once in one heated conversation is not going to have the effect you want, it will just roll off her back like water off a ducks back. What needs to be done is to stand up to her each time she steps out of line and tell her how wrong she may be. You’ll argue more with her this way but eventually, hopefully, the message will get through to her.

As for her drinking; here again you can talk to her about it but don’t expect anything to come from your conversations. Your sister may be a border line alcoholic or just a wild college student. I can’t say as I don’t know her well enough. If she is a border line alcoholic she has to admit to being one before she will seek help and stop drinking. What you can do for yourself, your mom and your dad if he wants. Is to go on line to QA-Anon and find family meeting you can attend. The URL for finding meetings is below. At Al-Anon or Alateen you will find other people like you and your family who are dealing with alcoholics. Through them hopefully you can help yourselves and your sister.

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