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Help...
25/f. The guy is my ex boyfriend, as of the end of January. We broke up after over a year of a wonderful relationship, essentially, because he's not emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship with me. I've just been through a lot (including serious lifelong health issues, and various types of abuse including emotional, physical, and sexual), and I think I feel/act quite a bit older than I am because of all that I've experienced.
Anyway, he panicked, after being disqualified from something very important to him, and seemed to regress, beginning to act like his high-school self, and point blank, I don't want to date someone who acts that young. But I feel so confused, because this irresponsible person is not the guy I love or the guy I was dating... but I think the man I love no longer exists...
I just feel like a lost little girl. I live alone, I'm financially independent, and though I talk to my parents daily, I rarely see them. I'm very confused by what went on yesterday, and I'd love some input/insight.
I went yesterday to give his mom's Tupperware back to her, since I know they're two pieces she uses quite a bit and I'd had them for around two months. She and I were very close, and she's really making an effort to stay connected with me. She (and his dad) told me I was like the daughter they never had, and they loved me, and I would always be welcome, no matter what. (We talked after he and I broke up.) So, I went over to their house and he was there. He and I still talk daily, almost constantly. I had been talking to his parents for a few days, and they so badly wanted to see me, I figured I'd stop over and see them.
I said "Sorry" to him when he came over to see me, and he shrugged and made a face like he couldn't imagine why I'd be sorry, and hugged me. I thought he was going to be at work, I hadn't intended to see him two days in a row. I accidentally caught him at work when he was about to go on break, and he invited me to lunch with him the day before.
Long story short, I was standing just barely in the kitchen, where everyone was gathered, we talked, and they invited me to take off my coat and stay awhile. Before I could think of an excuse to keep my coat on, my ex had taken it off my shoulders.
We all sat and talked for awhile about just everyday life. I told them funny stories about my job. We laughed at how neither of us had done anything for valentine's day, and how I bought myself a box of chocolates, and how his dog still listened to me better than him, even though the dog hadn't seen me in more than a month... at some point, his mom said "Dinner's ready!" and I said "Well, that's my cue to head out," and they all invited me to stay.
I said "I don't want to impose," and he said,
"Mom's making lasagna; it's delicious. You're fine."
so I said "Well... if you're sure you don't mind..." and his mom immediately put silverware in front of me. I caught his attention and gave him an "Are you sure?" look, and since he's always been great at reading me, he nodded, and we started cleaning off the kitchen table.
So I stayed for dinner. We talked, we laughed, he flicked my knee under the table, I put my cold water glass against his neck, his parents laughed at his squeaky "COLD!" reaction. After dinner, I helped his mom wash the dishes and we talked some more.
Eventually, it was late, and I had a long drive home, so I put my coat on. His parents made sure I understood that I could come see them anytime I was in town, anytime I needed a hug, or to come see the dogs, or any reason I could think of, even if I couldn't think of one.
He hugged me tight and I heard him sigh, I kissed his cheek, he looked like he wanted to kiss me, and I turned and left.
I don't know if it hurt, or if it was nice for everything to feel normal for awhile. I don't know what I'm feeling at all, really... I just hurt...
Please help me.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You two are still in deep love.. true love is rare and you both have true feelings for each other..even his parents adore you...whom or what are you waiting for? If you have love.. you may have fights...you may have disagreements..irritations.. but at the end of everything you will be there for each other..my person view would be to talk about him on a serious note about being together again.. all the best
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Do you want to get back together with this guy?
Think about it seriously, because that's the road you're on.
That is what his parents want, and I'd bet it's what he wants too.
If you want to be back together with him, then fine. Everything is going well. Keep up the contact. Drop in on his parents again in a week or two. Ask him back, or he'll ask you sooner or later.
But if you don't want to get back together, then you need to reduce contact with him - daily contact isn't for exes or even friends - that's for people you have 'more' with - and eliminate contact with his parents - at least for a while.
Because you can't dump a guy but keep his parents and dogs. You just don't get that kind of intimacy and stay 'the ex'. If you accept that kind of intimacy and that degree of contact, it'll lead to more - more feelings and more sense of obligation.
No one here can help you with what is happening until you decide if you are open to getting back together with him, or if that door is closed for good.
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