|
I want to have sex but he isn't ready.
Okay, so my past relationships involved a lot of sex. It became regular (especially my last two). We had trouble being together without contemplating how and where we can bang...
Now here's my issue: my current boyfriend apparently isn't big on sex with me (actually he probably just isn't ready or something like that which means I need to be patient and wait, instead of letting it bruise my ego..)
But you see, I'm so used to sex it became sort of an addiction. Especially if he and I are making out and he'd do something that turns me on; I basically react automatically (kiss him deeper, kiss his neck, etc) and it's like he avoids it. Tries to make a joke, or something to break the mood some how (i.e. I kissed him deeper, and he replied by pushing his lips against mine and laughed saying "I can push too").
I'll be honest, it makes me feel rejected... Like he doesn't want me like that. Logically, there is probably some other factors. (i.e. I'm his second, i think, we attempted before and he got "whiskey dick" minus the whiskey, etc.) But I'm so used to things being like if I kiss them deeper, or I kiss their neck, or try to be sexy or something they respond by kissing back/kissing my neck/etc.
He kisses me, holds me, etc. And I know he likes me, I'm not questioning that. Nor do I want to pressure him or anything.
What I need advice on is dealing with myself not my boyfriend. Like today we were giving back massages, he touched my neck/back just right where I got turned on. Then when I gave him one in return, I was doing my best not to be sexual (because I know he was as sore as I was).
I need help controlling myself, and containing my urges (also to not let my anxieties/paranoia over whelm me and make me feel rejected and self conscious when he does stuff like that). I love that he's able to hold me, kiss me intimately, etc without sex to be involved... BUT sometimes I want more than sex. And when I feel like that I just end up embarrassing myself. What should I do when I want sex, since he apparently doesn't... ?? How the hell do I contain my hormones??
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I think the problem is that his first experience with intercourse was so negative that it has him either embarrassed or scared. He knows you love sex and perhaps he feels he can't please you or has some other weird hangup.
Tell him that he really turns you on and that you love him and want him to feel comfortable. Be very patient and show/tell him what to do and no need to feel embarrassed if the whole thing is new.
Also ask him to be honest and tel you if there is any fears rational or not he has about intercourse and if there are significant ones perhaps suggesting a therapist.
As far as the inability to keep an erection it could be nerves, fears, embarrassment over lack of experience etc. etc. However, if you are 18
+ novelty shops can help as they have a ring that can trap blood in his penis for intercourse. This is often used for elderly, anybody else who have medical issues, or just in general. It's common.
The thing is you have a really high sex drive and as much as he loves you his libido isn't as high as yours. If he's not into intercourse there is definitely other things you can do that are sexual including touch. Perhaps that may work and build up towards actual sex when he grows more confident through that.
Masturbation definitely will help you but I understand you want sex with your partner. It may be hard to talk to him and awkward about your desires but it's needed.
If you tell him that sex embarrasses you sometimes or about awkward experiences showing him it's okay and work with him to get his confidence up I'm sure things will go smoother.
Let him know that you won't judge his efforts and to just relax and have fun and if he makes what he thinks is a mistake to not worry about it or take it too seriously. If you can laugh about stuff and remain positive he'll warm up more to doing it regularly. It's a fear or confidence issue here.
]
I disagree with the user below. There is nothing 'up' here.
Although it may seem strange at first that a guy doesn't want sex as most steretypically do.
So you need help controlling your hormones? Clearly you have a high sex drive, maybe to do with your past or it could be to do with what you eat. Do you eat garlic, ginger, bananas, avocado or dark chocolate often? If so, this is bound to be affecting you.
Eating lots of carbohydrates, fats (healthy ones!) and drinking alcohol in moderation can reduce your sex drive.
The reason why I'm telling you about food, is because in my view its the healthiest way to lower your libido from time to time, as it does sound like yours is overactive and your partners is underactive.
By eating some of these foods, it will help 'calm your hormones' down, but then again if you feel your just not being sexually satisfied at all anymore by this guy-move on!
You'll know whats best for you-good luck
]
First off, you ask him what is up.
Anxienty and paranoia is what happens when you don't know what's going on. The only way to control that is to speak to him. You both know that you are ready for more physical intimacy than he is. It's obvious to both of you. So just ask him, gently, to tell you what is going on in his head.
As for your urges, masturbate. And pornography or erotica, if you find them morally acceptable. Learning how to pleasure yourself is an important life skill - most people learn it before they are ever sexually active with another person. If you haven't learned, do yourself a favor and learn now.
However, you also have to talk to him. Once you know what is going through his mind, you'll know better where the boundaries are, an you might find you can get more of what you want when you both awknowledge where it stops.
]
More Questions: |