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humorist-workshop
updates on 'feelings for a close friend and future roommate'
Hi, I'm just responding to your advice/asking for more on this question I asked a while ago: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I didn't do exactly what you suggested - telling R outright how I felt - because I wasn't (and am still not) really sure what I'd want out of it. I don't know whether I'd actually want a relationship so I thought it would be confusing for both of us if I asked if there was anything there. However, I did think I should make it more obvious that I like him and just see where it goes. So I asked him if he wanted to go out at the weekend, to travel to another city, which was the first time we'd spent an entire day alone together. I was more obviously flirtatious and he responded to that and acted in a way which implied to me that he was interested.
But then, since then it's always me initiating things - eg. online conversations and future meetups. He has initiated conversations sometimes but in this case he'll always mention at some point that he's 'killing time until he has to go to a lecture' or 'doesn't have anything to do,' which implies that he's just talking me because I'm there. Though our conversations are still great and we get on really well and are still flirtatious, it just makes me doubt whether he's that into me.
So I thought maybe it's just because I've been talking to him too often and he knows he doesn't have to go out of his way to speak to me, because I'll come to him - as you said, I wanted to stop second guessing everything and just go for it, so I hadn't really been thinking about whether I was being too over the top. I've gone home for the week, so I thought I'd just not speak to him while I was away and see if in that situation he contacts me. Yesterday it had been four days since we'd last spoken and he sent a group message to those of us living together next year to suggest we all meet up soon, but hasn't contacted me personally.
I hadn't particularly expected him to, I'm just hoping that by the end of the week, or when I arrive back at uni, he'll suggest we meet up. Obviously it's less straightforward now since we'll be seeing each for the group meet. But I'm just not sure whether I'm doing the right thing. When I get back, I could easily suggest we hang out alone and he'd probably say yes, and we'd probably act flirtatious with one another, but if I'm ALWAYS the one asking and he never is, that's hardly a good sign, is it?
When we first started hanging out at the beginning of the uni year it was the other way round and I often ignored/forgot to get back to him when he asked if I wanted to hang, so it was understandable for him to stop then. But now I think I've made it pretty clear that I like spending time alone with him, it seems weird that he no longer asks. He always seems interested in me when we're TOGETHER, but I'm doubting whether he really thinks about me when I'm not there. I'm sorry to send another long message, I just wondered if you had any advice?
Thanks, x
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It could be that he's extremely tied up or has a heavy work or study load. Obviously he is interested as a casual friend or he wouldn't have included you on the "let's meet up" e-mail blast.
I wouldn't contact him via phone, e-mail, text, or social media for a few weeks and see if he gets back to you. He has an idea of what you want so let's see what he does next. You want to show him that you're busy too and not sitting waiting on his words.
If he shows no effort to contact you than you know two things: Everything is one sided with him be it friendship or otherwise and two: he's not interested at least not romantically.
Problem is historically people like these will screw you around and play with your emotions saying they will include you in plans or accept yours and then back out or say they are there for you and can never be counted on.
My advice is give him a few more days and then start looking at other guys and dropping him altogether as there's no friendship here it's a one-sided mess and he may be too "kind" in his mind to tell you he's not interested and hoping you take a hint from his non-responsive attitude. Don't get too involved and risk heartbreak as I would lean towards the he's not worth the time idea.
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