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Feelings for a close friend and future room mate.
19/F
I've started developing feelings for my closest friend at uni, let's call him R. I'm usually quite shy and though I do have other friends here I'm not close to any of them, and R's the only person I've met so far whom I feel completely at ease around.
We met at a party where I introduced myself to him because I thought he was cute, and we spent the entire night talking/flirting and exchanged numbers at the end. Since then we started talking a lot/hanging out and there's always been this 'are we just friends or is something more going to happen here?' vibe between us. Originally it seemed like he was trying to initiate something more but I wasn't sure how I felt so I backed away a little. However, ironically, after becoming closer I now definitely do have feelings for him. The problem(s)?
1) I'm not sure if we've moved into that place now where, because neither of us have made a move, we're stuck in a 'just friends' dynamic. (Though we are still flirtatious to an extent, not as much as when we first met, though.)
2) He's my closest friend here and I love hanging out with him and I really don't want to do anything to ruin our friendship.
And the worst:
3. We're planning on living together next year (along with others) and that makes this a whole lot more awkward. If I make a move now and/or we ended up seeing each other/sleeping together, R might be more sensible than I am and not want to live together, for obvious reasons. And I really don't want to miss out on that because I would love to live with someone I'm actually close with. (I really like my flatmates but as I said, we're not super close.)
But then I worry that if I wait until we live together to make a move (and yeah, I know that brings up a whole host of other problems, we'll leave them out for now), he would definitely only think of me as a friend by that point.
I know the rational thing would be to just stay friends so as not to ruin anything but I'm tired of always being rational. I've always been cautious when it comes to my love life and therefore nothing's ever gone anywhere and I'm sick of it. I just want to act on my feelings for once, you know? I just don't know what to do. What would you advise?
Thanks x
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Next time you see him tell him that there is something on your mind that you have to let out but don't want it to screw up living together for school or one of the only real friendships you have.
Tell him that night at the party you developed feelings that have only deepened over time as you got to know him. Let him know you have been scared as hell to admit this but have been wondering half the time is their potential for something or will we always be just friends?
I KNOW you are both mature adults so even if he doesn't feel the same (I think he's into you) he will just roll with it and it won't be awkward or anything.
Think about this most guys I know whether they need a roommate or not aren't about to invite a girl friend or not to move in as a roommate. I'm sure he's aware of sexual tension and energy between you but probably unsure how to talk to you about it.
Go talk to him. You have ZERO to lose either way and I know it won't adversely affect school. Your problem is you second guess and over analyze everything and never act and take a risk. If you don't some other girl will swoop in and or he will take his focus off you and on to someone else. You want it? Go get him. All he can say is yes or no. If your gut says he's the one go and find out. You'll forever regret it otherwise. Inbox me with how it goes.
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