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Mother struggling with depression over financial woes.
Im Will, 20 years old and a college student. My mother has been depressed about money for years now. She is drawing social security (which is used for all the bills.) She has a otheritus condition, but is very well to work but chooses not to. All she does is lay around and sleep for the heck of it. I help her in anyway that I can. I'll give her money every week and even that doesn't stop her depression. She expects me to take care of her even though I'm 55 miles away from home in college. She doesn't understand that I have classes and work to do and that I can't always be there. She is very uneasy with her money. She's a frequent smoker. I help as much as I can do so but she never appreciates it and can only say how much she's done for everyone, (which she hasn't.)
What should I do? I can only do so much..
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There are two things you can do. One is you can continue to do as you are, thus enabling her to continue to do as she is doing. The other thing you can do is more on the side of tough love. As long as you continue to enable your mother she has no reason to get help for her depression. Depression is a horrible disease. You are not helping her by enabling her with your help.
I would suggest, as hard as this will be for you and she will tug at all the heart strings, that you cut the apron strings. Tell mom she must seek professional help her depression. If she has been on SSI for more than 2 years she is entitled to Medicare Health Insurance and most likely Medicaid medical assistance from your state. There is no reason with these two programs available to her that she should not be receiving medical treatment for her depression and other illnesses.
The fifty miles you are from home at school is not all that far where you cannot come home on a day you have no morning or afternoon classes and accompany your mother to her local Social Security Office. You can phone for an appointment to meet with a representative so as not having to wait in line.
Meet with the representative to find out what mom is entitled to in the way of medical benefits and sign her up for them. Then choose a plan "B" & "D" option that works best for her. Plan "B" is the supplement that pays for doctors visits. Plan "D" is the option that pays for medications. I would suggest you look for a PPO or HMO plan for the Plan B option.
I was forced to retire early after an auto accident left me disabled. I applied for and was granted Social Security (SSI) Disability. I was also granted Medicare benefits with a 2 year waiting period for enrollment to medicaid. So if your mom has been on SSI for two years or more she, I believe, should be entitled to medicare benefits also.
Once you are assured she can seek and pay for medical help for her depression then you cut the apron strings which are enabling her. You say to her; Mom I will no longer enable you to sit around and allow your depression to disable you in this manner. Now that I know you can seek and receive medical help you are on your own unless and until you get medical help.
I am of course assuming she is not receiving medical help for her illness as you have not mentioned this in you writing to us. You have also not mentioned what her other conditions are and how they are affecting her depression. Those other conditions can and do affect depression, especially those conditions that cause a great deal of pain. If she is being treated for those other conditions the doctor(s) treating her will need to coordinate with the doctor(s) treating the depression.
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