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Depressed. What to do?
19/f
This might be quite lengthy, so brief yourself.
My ex-boyfriend and I were together for almost three years. I was his first actual girlfriend, that he apparently "really loved." We had a complicated relationship for a while. I guess you can say, we were "friends with benefits" but we actually had feelings for each other after we broke up. He kind of had a hard time balancing things out with school and a relationship because he would get distracted.
Last month in December, he told me that he wanted to end the complicated relationship that we had. He said that he wanted to start 2013 fresh and he wanted to do better in his life. And of course, I thought it was predictable from his side because he always said that whenever he failed a class. And this was when I didn't see him as often during that semester.
I, personally, was hurt but I wasn't sure if he was being truthful about it or not because he has said it multiple times before and he kept coming back to me. I remember I went through 7 months of depression because I wanted him back but he was treating me very badly. He just kept pushing me away and he was saying rude things to me. So, it was like a cycle because he came back again after he saw that I was trying to move onto someone else and I don't want to always find someone else to have him realize that he still loves me and wants to be with me.
He told me he wanted to have sex with me one last time before 2013 started. His reason? He said he didn't know what was the reason. He said it was tiresome being in a relationship with me, I was "boring" because he knew everything about me already, and he couldn't see me in his future. He didn't have an explanation for any of those reasonings because I don't recall ever having him to do anything for me and I knew we were comfortable with each other, but boring?
Here's the difference in this situation: After New Years Day, I didn't see him. I sensed that he was tempted to see me but he said that he really wanted to move on. And during these two weeks, I've noticed that he's been getting drunk to the fact where he throws up and passes out with these new friends that he had recently met. Two weeks later, he was interested in a girl that he met in December. She came into town to see her friends but she lives in a completely different state. He texted me out of nowhere a few days later and said, "I hope you're happy. Everything came out the way you expected. She told me she couldn't date me."
I was not happy. I was upset that he even brought it up to her in the first place. He said that he didn't and that she did... They didn't do anything, they just Skyped and talked a lot. And he said he doesn't want to move on from her because she said that she thinks it's better to give it time. It was upsetting me because he couldn't even give me time and attention when we were dating, when we were living in the same city. But he thinks that he could make a long distance relationship work, with a girl that he just met.
He kept saying that he's moved on from me, his grades from school in 2012, and from everything that happened. But even when he said that, he's still talking to me. He's still answering. It may be harsh words, but he's still talking and answering. And multiple times when we were arguing, he said, "forget this. I'm moving on." And I replied, "I thought you already moved on." Last night, I asked him to be completely honest with me, if he really did completely get over me and he said he doesn't want to talk about it and that he was going to sleep and stopped texting me from there.
I'm not sure if it's because he really wants to move on, he's using her to project his feelings for me onto her. I don't really know how to take everything that has been going on. I have been really depressed and I have been crying for the past few days. What should I do? What could possibly be going on with him?
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It's over this guy is over you he just is using you now and it's time you take charge of your self and stop this from proceeding he is hurting you and you know what he is doing is wrong . You need to cut all contact with him and focus on other things like sports school whatever keeps u busy and clear of him . Yes he will try to contact you again but it's only because he can see that you don't need him anymore , he is using you as a back up as if things don't go his way he could always have you on the side , and he sounds confused . You need to let him go
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You're not going to like my answer but from what you have written it is what I see.
Your young, you may have been his first real girlfriend though he may not have been your first real boyfriend. To put it bluntly he is a flake blaming you for his failures. He really doesn't know what he wants which is typical of someone his age and maturity.
You don't say how old he is though if you are within a year of each other. At your age you are at least 2 years older than him in maturity. You are already starting to look at planning your life out. For him, if I may be so blunt, he is looking for when he is going to have sex again and with who and whats for dinner. His priorities are different.
IF my mother was writing this she would tell you not to get depressed over him for he is not worth your tears. There are plenty more fish in the sea and there is one out there who is right for you. This one is not, so throw him back. In fact that is what I'm telling you.
I believe you know what you want from life. If that includes college and a career, then go after it. If college is in your career you will meet many more boys at school. Childhood sweethearts are just that childhood romances.
Don't wast your tears on him he is not worth it. Experience life as it is meant to be. Your too young to tie yourself down right know. Go on to college and experience college life without the excess baggage of a boyfriend back home, especially this one.
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You both need to move on, His reason is not just what he said but he clearly fell out of love with you. The reason he keeps coming back? Well there are a few reasons...
1, You allow him too
2, He needs to fill his void of loneliness
You are not doing yourself any favors by taking him back. You are just opening new doors for ways he can hurt you all over again. His little sex stunt was cheap, He pretty much took advantage of you. You are only vulnerable if you allow yourself too be. I really think you need to cut contact with him and move on. If he tries to come back you need to be strong and tell him no. This kid has done this far too many times and YOU need to start fresh yourself. No more old baggage. Meet someone better
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